A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm a sixteen year old girl and I recently met this girl and we're together now but i still like guys. My cousin is also a girl and she came out before I had a chance to tell my parents that I have feelings for this girl. For the last three months I've had to listen to my mom say that bisexual girls these days are disgracing us all and that no one is bisexual that it's just an excuse to experiment. My problem is, I don't know how to come out without making it sound like I'm copying my cousin or just looking for an excuse to experiment. I really like this girl and I don't want to lose her because I have to hide our relationship from my family.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): Sorry, but I'm going to be the less than "progressive" auntie on this one:
I have compassion for your position, however, I love how parents are just assigned to "keep their mouths closed" yet these same parents feed, cloth, finance and take care of the teen.
Sure, your parents may have to 'tolerate' your choice, I get that but they DO not have to endorse or accept it. They have rights and ideas too.
Imagine how you would feel as a parent getting this news? Oh I forgot who's thinking about that? It's all about being 'happy'... However, UNTIL you are an adult, no longer under their care and guidance they have a right to their opinion.
It is not all about you (though teens think the world rotates about them - their 'happiness' and pleasure).
Instead I would say at least listen to your parents response to this. They may have some guidance for you (incredible to believe). It not just one-way that your choice is all that matters!
They have the 'long view' on this. Your view is the 'here and right now' in terms of what feels good (happy making) serving your heart and newly forming sexuality.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2011): Perhaps you ARE just experimenting!
Though not 'politically correct' to say, you are very young still to being making a full-out commitment to be gay. Dicisions based on 'being happy' often turn out everything but happy.
Indeed there is alot of copy-cat promiscuous behavior out there, your peers know this and talk about it even if it sound stupid coming from an adult (like mom).
The more people/ or as they say 'partners' you have sex with intimately male and female the more you'll need to deal with and reflect about later. It may not all be pleasant memories.
I know, it's the thing now to make these 'coming out' pronouncements. But they can be hard to take back per how important young teens feel a strong need to be accepted and loved and affirmed within their social clique(s).
Sexuality, which ever preference can be a self-propelled motor taking you beyond where you need to go and further than you planned.
Do know that it's a two way door to this choice. You can go in, but you can also come back out. But there are consequence to all that you do. Especially as a teen where you cannot predict all of the outcomes.
Take your time. You're only 16 and will look back on this at 26 and at 36 and for certain you will not be the same person you are now.
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A
female
reader, MissTellAll +, writes (6 July 2011):
 As far as I can see, all you can do is be honest. You don't want this girl feeling like this big secret you're ashamed of. You basically have to say "Fuck it" and tell your family that this is who you are, they can either accept it or keep their mouths closed. If they say you're just copying your cousin, say that you and your cousin are two completely separate people. This has nothing to do with her. The fact that she came out first is purely happenstance. Would they think that she was simply copying you if you had come out first?
And explain that bisexuality isn't 'an excuse to experiment'. You can't help who you're attracted to. Sexuality isn't simply black and white, there are so many gray areas. No one is exactly the same.
Just remember when it comes down to it it doesn't matter what they say, you are who you are. You want to be with this girl. Your happiness is what comes first.
Hope this helps. Good luck :)
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