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female
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*hortie
writes: How do you decide between two men? i've been with my current boyfriend he's 35 and i'm 22 for about three years he lovely,safe and trustworthy, recently i met a different guy he's my own age and possesses all the same qualities, i split up with my boyfriend coz i didn't want to feel like a cheat while i made a decision, trouble is i've got back with my boyfriend and now i'm back in the same situation, am i just thinking the grass is greener?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2010): im having trouble choosing between these two guys i wont tell you my life story but every night i lie down in bed and think i dont get to sleep for hours and is giving me difficulty but by reading all these posts ive decided which guys to like the one you have more fun with, think about more and can think of more good points then the other guy thats all you need to do and if that doesnt help you love them both the same then NONE of them are good because if u really did love one of them you wouldnt have that much trouble choosing good luck i hope ive helped you xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2008): Hi everyoneIm somewhat in a similar posicion to everyone. im 17 and i have 2 best friends which are boys, over the last month both of them have started having feelings for me and have told me, but the thing is i like both of them for different reasons, all three of us have been through good and bad situations, and both of theese guys are the one in a million type. i may not be able to offer advice but I can tell you that you are not the only one in this situation because ive looked on the net to solve this problem and ive realised that im not the only one. the best advice ive seen so far is to step out of the circle so you can think exactly what to do and stick to your decision once you have made it. good luck to everyone!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): While it's difficult being in a situation with 2 great guys at any age, when you're children are grown, and you're looking for a partner to share your platinum years with, the choice becomes even more difficult.
Do I select the man with a guaranteed inheritance? Yet this same man doesn't have the best social skills, energy level, or sexual compatability? Or the guy, I broke up with a few years ago, with FANTASTIC sex, great social skills, but we broke up because I believe he wasn't loyal to me?
Well...I'm going to give #2 another chance...perhaps it because of the mental and physical compatibility we share...I can't really say -- but I'm going to end my relationship with "Great Guy #1" as soon as I post this response. Wish me long term luck!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2008): i think people use the word love too oftern, some times life plans things out for a reson and rember you learn from your mistakes. even if your 15 or 100 you need to take a step back and think who is going to be there for you no matter what. people need to think about situations carfully dont rush in to anything, your not ready for.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2008): I know its hard i had the same problem and i still have i love them both but you have choose the 1 you think you want to spend your life with and grow old with and trust
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2007): I need help im only 15 and i have three guys who love me and i only love one of them his name is daniel.He is so sweet and cute, he also portects me from pervs at my school.The other two guys that love me i dont want to hurt them but i dont love them at all what should i do. please someone help!!!!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2007): I am have been in ur situation and actually am in it again. It sucks and is very stressful. Nobody seems to understand unless they went through it before. I dont want to make the wrong decision so I keep prolonging it but it hard. It has been going on for me for 2 years now. Never thought it would drag out to b this long. Try to just go with your heart and who makes you happier I guess.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007): you guys, i never thought i would be in a situation like this.Gosh u spend your whole life crushing on guys but to no avail..and all at once...a whole crowd show up...what the hell...its like someone forgot equal distribution..where were these men all those single years lol
i was with my ex Tom for 2 years, bear in mind he was my first ever boyfriend. got serious way to fast.we fought so much. i really wanted out towards the end. in anycase i broke up with him, and started dating another guy. thought id get over it...no no...instead tom gets a new gf and now im going crazy..nuts...ballistic..so jealous...i want him so badly...and honestly initially i thought it was just my ego but i miss him so much. like he's a constant cloud of over head, and i cant imagine living without him. i broke up with the new bf cos i left the country....but blasted tom still lives in my head...HOW CAN THIS BE???i ended it with him TWICE!! IM SUPPOSED TO BE CELEBRATING!! and the new bf who i broke up with before i left...well we're still in contact...like the 2 months i was with him were so goodddddddddddd....i was SOOOOOOOOOOO happy...WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!! WHY IS TOM DOOMED to haunt my MINDDDDDDDDDDD??its like I DONT WANT TO BE BACK WITH HIM cos i know itll hurt the new bf i broke up with...not that we're together but i mean it was the ex i dated before him...ALSO AM SO SCARED OF GETTING BACK into relaitonship with TOM..and getting into same shit..but we are older...i dont know
HELP
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): I am in the same situation. I have been separated from my husband for 5 years. I met this great looking, nice guy soon after. Things went a bit awry and I ended it with my boyfriend. Since then my husband came back in the picture. He is truly a sweet and wonderful guy, however, I can't stop thinking about my boyfriend. My boyfriend calls me and e-mails me once in a while and I know that he would get back together if I wanted. However, I don't want to hurt my husband whom I love too. I need intensive therapy. Intellectually, I know I should stick with the hubby...but emotionally, I would just love to be with my boyfriend...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): I have been with my ex for five years , he treated and neglected me badly. i am 42, he is 43. I have since after one year met a much kinder affectionate younger beautiful man about 12 years younger (I barely look 32).
He loves me unquestionably but i want children and do not feel it fair to put this burden on him, although he wants them in 3 or 4 years. My ex has come back (after I met my new man) and is adamant he has changed. Texts me daily and begs for forgiveness. he is more settled in life and with him , provided he has changed, i could be pregnant and married in a year. What do i do? I am with my younger man but my ex's pleas for forgiveness, breaks my heart. I love them both.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2006): This has not happened to me but I just went through a similar situation vicariously with my cousin.
I believe, through what I have seen, that it is completely possible to love two people at the same time. And you know what... either of them would probably be OK for you in the long run if you make a firm commitment to making that relationship work.
At the same time, just because you love someone that does not mean that their love is good for you. Infact, because so many people don't know how to love, the 'love' they give can be hard work. Suffocating or even, damaging - particularly if they have low self esteem and are looking to you to make them feel better about themselves. People who feel bad about themselves tend to get into mind games and trying to make you jealous. Bad bad bad!
What I would do, and this seems to work is really listen to your heart first. Then, decide what you really want in your life and to what extent each person will be able to meet those needs. Picking the right person is about knowing yourself first. Then, the answer will seem obvious.
Be prepared to freak out though when you let go of the one you didn't pick! it is really hard letting go of someone you love even when you know it is wrong. I think it is because you get used to having them there to pick you up when you feel down etc. BUT... You have to do it though - hey, maybe you will look back in the future and wonder what they are doing and who they are with. BUT you know, you cannot have them yourself so.... move on. Know that it will be hard - get ready for that and accept it... but move on.
You can do it.. look at it this way.. it is a priviledge to have people love you. You must be lovable - so love yourself. Do yourself a favour and pick one. You will feel alot more settled and at peace. Plus you wont have to keep more than one person happy all the time!
Take care, and good luck
Too many choices :-)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2006): I am in a similar position. Iv fell for two men, both of them love me. i broke up with my boyf and went with the other, then thought id made a huge mistake so got back with my boyf,but now im thinking iv made the wrong decision, id love some help too because i dont want to hurt either of them
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2006): I know how it feels like. The same happend to me. Its very hard, but life is life. Everybody have to learn about life.
I have two choose between two guys now.I don't know what to do! It's very hard on me.Im with E now for 6months. And 3 months back, i met B this wonderfull guy.He whant me. But what i don't know if the grace is greener on the other side. I love E very much and falling in love with B. Both guys is good for me. What do you think a must do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2006): honestly go with the younger man, im in the same situation and i know who im going to choose, it was easyer than i thought, u always have one in the back of your mind, thats the one you know you want to be with.
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female
reader, jaycee22 +, writes (13 February 2006):
I have to say that even if you aren't with either of them, as in my situation, the choice is still extremely difficult. I currently live with someone, but our relationship has been over for months, we both know it, but are just delaying the inevitable. I met 2 guys at very nearly the same time nearly 4 months ago, and felt very connected to them both. At that time I just assumed it was because I wanted out of my present situation so badly. Well, as the months went by, my feelings grew for them both, in very different ways. They both have traits that I adore, but that I wish the other also had. I have no idea as to what to do, or how to choose between the 2. It's tearing me up, and I dont want to wait too long, as obviously one of them will be hurt. But ultimately, I dont think all the advice in the world could help anyone through a situation like this...you have to listen to your heart. Mine hasnt pointed in a direction yet, which is why I havent chosen. But how can someone suggest to you which path to follow, when they dont know the whole story? Could be molding a decision for you without key elements. Best of luck to you though, glad Im not the only one going through this!~!
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female
reader, Jenn46307 +, writes (9 February 2006):
I too am in the same boat!! It is so hard to chose between too people that you care about so much!! I have been seeing "Mr. Right" for almost two years now. I love him with all of my heart!! We have so much in common and we get along so well. However in the beginning of our relationship, it wasn't so wonderful and we were on again/off again. During that time I met and started seeing "Mr. Rightnow". He is equally as wonderful. He are total opposites, but get along really well and have a good time together. "Mr. Right" never wants to get married again. Been there, done it, doesn't want to do it again! "Mr. Rightnow" is ready to propose to me over Valentines Day. I really want to get married again. My divorce was three years ago. I am really ready and want to marry again. I just don't know what to do. I have stronger feelings for "Mr. Right"... much stronger. I have been back and forth for months. It is enough to make you nuts!!! Wish I could help more... but wanted to let you know you aren't alone!!
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male
reader, [email address blocked] +, writes (14 January 2006):
Wow dude, you behaved with great discipline and sacrifice. Impressive. Thank you for sharing.
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female
reader, Dawnest +, writes (11 January 2006):
Which one seriously wants to be part of your life and which one makes you happiest. I would use the rule of thumb "the one I always think of first is the one i want to be with" then make your decision and stick to it.
Yo-yo tendencies are not kind to the people who are being given the treatment so try and stick to the one you have chosen.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2006): Mature, deep, loving relationships require commitment, trust, compatibility, and a future. So how do you choose the better man. Well, you know them both quite well. You choose the the man who will commit to you, forever. The one who would provide the best emotional and physical life for you. You choose the one who treats you like a queen, respects you, is loyal to you..the one who loves you, the dearest an the most. Good luck
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reader, NickN182 +, writes (10 January 2006):
Hi I am in exactly the same situation as you but with two girls. Im 32 and have been with my girlfriend (27) for many years but i recently decided that i really liked a younger girl (22). Similar to your boyfriend, my girlfriend is everything i could wish for and yet i have found myself attracted to someone else which to me made no sense so i called it off with her to see how it would go with the new one. I then had a massive panic attack and while not thinking clearly i got back with my girlfriend and then regretted my decision and wanted to be with the new girl. As you can tell i have been very confused so i have now done the only thing that i could do - be on my own for a while. That is my advice to you. You, like me, cannot make a choice while you are going out with one of them as you will always be wondering if you have done the right thing. I felt as if i was in the middle with both of them pulling in opposite directions. Trust me if you stay as you are whatever you pick will be wrong, you need to be on your own to get your head clear and figure out exactly what it is you want. I hate being on my own and this for me has literally just started and i am finding it really difficult already but it is the only sensible thing to do otherwise i will make a rash decision and end up regretting it. I hope this helps you, let me know how you get on.
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