A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need your help to get my man to commit to me like he was in the beginning. We have talked about marraige since we met and we know we both want. However, we have had some ups and downs which is attributed to long distance and me having trust issues with my man.I have issues with my man still talking to his exes that is howthe trust issues started. Since then we have moved on from that issue because I don't see it anymore.However seems like the table has turned, I am sensing that my boyfriend is accusing me or perceiving me as a club/party girl because I drink. He is from another country so its easy to perceive girls that drinks or hang out as unserious and promiscuous. I am a good woman. I go out occasionally and have a few cocktails. Yes, on our second date I did something stupid and got super drunk in front of my man which he was really dissapointed. Ever since then I dont get drunk but still drink. I want to be myself and not be fake. Should I change my ways for the love of my life so he can commit to me and adore me as a virtuous woman.Everytime my man makes smart remarks about "oh the night is still young, where are we heading to tonite or what drinks am I sippin on tonite?" I feel very angry like I am more than that and he knows it. Have I blown my chances with making this man adore me and proposing to me because I portrayed the habit of a party girl in his presence? Will you cut out drinking from your life to keep your man? What do you advice?
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drunk, his ex, long distance Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBernard, I am beginning to see that the hard drinking nad getting fuked up for fun is no good for a relationship. In as much you know yourself, peole do judge you and I have been in positions where I judged people too so i now get it. I have to let that habit go. It was a trun off for my exes and that is why we are not married because the realtionship was not that serious. But with a serious relationship like this one, I have to change my ways. Which I don't mind. Hopefully the comments will stop and I will stop taking them personal.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks eddie, we just got off skype and after a long conversation which started with "Do you really see me as a party girl?" he ended it with re-proclaiming his love to me and how he wants to marry me and its not gonna be too long at all. Thank you for instilling the confidence in me to ask. I feel very comfortable knowing he was only teasing me. ANd he also said part of the tease is to stoe me from drinking too much since its not good anyways. I agree. Eventually I do plan to stop drinking all together..
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A
male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (26 February 2012):
 First impressions are hard to break, especially when it involves long distance relationships.
I assume that you don't spend very much time together. If you did spend time together, my guess is that he'd see that you indeed are not a party girl.
If drinking is a major component of your life, I think you have to ask yourself how compatible you are with your boyfriend. In our culture, it is okay for women to drink, but in some foreign countries, particularly those of a religious nature, it is not.
Ultimately, I think you need to talk to your boyfriend and tell him that his comments are hurtful and don't really represent you. If he really feels that you are a party / club girl (and he isn't just joking with you), then, I think it reflects on who he sees you as: a girl to have sexual relations with, but nothing more serious than that. If you are looking at marriage, does he respect you enough to have children with him? Is he ashamed of you? Do he see you as a lush? These are all important questions that may be lurking in the background. Then again, he could be just teasing you because you failed to hold your liquor in front of him.
It sounds like you are due for a frank conversation.
Good luck.
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