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writes: OK I am struggling at the moment, I've met such a great guy and we have been together for around a month or two now. I understand that when in a relationship there is a 'honeymoon' period and all that. But recently he has been seeming rather off with me, like a lot more blunt and less lovely dovey happy. We've had a few arguments as of recent because of his behaviour at times (only small things)...but they never escalated into anything truly serious. my anxiety however is really bad, I feel like I am growing clingy because he isn't all happy loved up like I am. I feel like he has just switched off...there wasn't any transition to this, it just snapped. He still says he loves me a lot, and he is happy to see me and have me stay at his...But at the moment I feel I am always messaging first, or arranging to meet up...it's never really him. He just seems blunt and less fun.I've tried talking to him, and explaining that I am sorry I seem clingy...but my anxiety is seriously bad atm due to my dissertation (etc)He says he understands, but I feel I am kind of pushing him over the edge, and I am terrified of losing him...How do I calm down and stop being so anxious?
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): If you have a lot on your plate, it takes it's toll. If you're working on your dissertation, maybe you work to earn money for school and living expenses; then there's everything else that falls in between. You may be a little edgy, and he's picking up on the vibe.
Guys aren't always lovey dovey anyway; and a lot of the things you experience at the very beginning of a new relationship naturally tapers off, and comes to a plateau. There will be jumps or dips in affection here and there; according to your moods, or his. You're both in the midst of a school semester, and it is likely he's going through the same things you are. Only he's a guy; so he handles his emotions and stress differently.
Back-off a little, but still be your sweet-self. Give yourself some breathing room, and take a few breaks from the hustle and bustle of academia and work. You're placing the responsibility on your boyfriend to calm your nerves, and you may be getting on his in the process. You're getting antsy. Demanding a lot of attention, and expecting too much affection. That's not just clingy, but annoying.
School-stress manifests itself in different ways. It shortens tempers, shakes your confidence, and you get totally exhausted. Of course your emotions will reflect your stress. Anxiety is from worrying about your grades, and trying to maintain a good GPA, upcoming exams, and unpreparedness will get to you. You want to achieve; so you're pushing yourself. You need some exercise! You need recreation. Get your stress-relief from a source other than just your boyfriend. I can also guess you need to get more sleep. Are you up late studying and cramming?
Nothing like a long hot soak in a bubble-bath, take small breaks to rest your eyes during studying, get up and stretch, and move around the room. Even if you're at the library. Find yourself some peace and quiet. Me-time!
Don't message him, wait to hear from him. Allow him time to miss you. Stop gauging and over-analyzing his feelings and intentions. You may be way off-the-mark by jumping to conclusions. It's not just him, it's you too! You've got a lot on your shoulders, and you need some time to relax!
My dear, you're all wound-up in a tight coil!!! Boy do I remember the days!
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reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 January 2015):
 Pull back, LET him be the one to initiate. FOCUS on your dissertation and let him go a LITTLE on the back burner. Having anxieties isn't an excuse to get all "clingy" or "needy" and YOU know that, HE knows that.
So let him ROW this relationship boat a bit now. And STOP apologizing for what you do constantly. It's is not helping you OR him.
Maybe he isn't the only one who "stopped" being fun? If you went from fun to "clingy" after a month or two of dating? Maybe he is not feeling it either right now.
As for the anxiety, are you getting help? Are you seeing a counselor/therapist? Or are you trying to do ti on your own? If it's the latter... you should really consider getting help. IF you are at UNI the school MIGHT have some kind of mental health help you can use. OR go through your GP.
No one just "stop" from being anxious. You can however LEARN to manage them. For me yoga help me center myself when I feel a "freak out" (as I call them) coming on. There are MANY other relaxation methods that can help too. I did go into therapy thinking this isn't going to "work", but I walked out of there with many tools I still use 25+ years later.
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