| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: I have a huge crush on one of my male friends. When I met him I thought he was attractive, but nothing else. he also showed some interest in me, but nothing major. Then he met one of my friends, and forgot all about me. I mean, we stayed friends, but that was that. My girl friend is also a major flirt, so they kinda fooled around at a party once but that was it. I didn't make anything of it, especially since she didn't really like him.Months later, we were at a party and I was a bit drunk, and I was just having a lot of fun with him, dancing and joking around. Then he went in for a kiss and I turned my face. we talked and he started telling me how he'd always liked me, that I'm special, and all that. I didn't really 'like' him, I was only attracted to him and I went in for the kiss, since I thought that was just typical "guy speak" to get what he wanted (ie. he was "sweet lying" to me).We hooked up, and then he started getting really close to me, and I started developing feelings for him. But since he was so sweet sometimes, but then he was really just like a friend, I never told him. We distanced and it was mostly because I did. But I kept liking him.And now, from what I see in Facebook, he's all on courting my friend again. She's way prettier than I am. She has great hair, big green eyes and big boobs, I'm the complete opposite (thin hair, brown eyes, small boobs). I'm so plain compared to her, and even though I "had" him, I only "had" him after she had... and now that I think about that in more depth I feel like I was just his second choice or whatever. I feel so empty and ugly, undesirable... he and I got along much better than they do. We have more in common, we really clicked. And she gets all guys' attention anyway... so I don't know why I'm so surprised and hurt. I feel hurt, and it's so stupid because I'm sure neither of them intended to hurt me. And I'm 23 already, I should be more mature than this. Neither of them know I like him. And I won't tell them, it'd be too humilliating. All I need to know right now is how to pick up the pieces and move on. How to stop feeling inferior to her, to stop feeling ugly and undesirable. I mean, objectively I know I am uglier than she is. I just need to know how to make peace with that and with the fact that I'll always have a harder time getting a guy interested in me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (23 January 2012):
 I guess we all go through that (or something similar anyway). You don't need to be hard on yourself. From what you have said, it seemed like you had a window of opportunity to get to know the guy and be with him but you chose to keep a distance.
People will only be interested for so long until they move on. We all have the tendency to compare ourselves to others but unless we are inspired by them do improve our own lives then it's a waste of time.
Why should you compare yourself to someone to put yourself down? That doesn't do you any good. If you want to move on from this then take a lesson from it. This should be to have more self confidence and know what you want from the start.
If you had bad feelings about the guy and thought he might be using you and telling you what you want to hear just so he can sleep with you then you may have saved yourself a lot of hassle by letting him go. Most guys are after one thing and you should never give in without getting to know someone.
If you really want to have another shot you should talk to the guy (if he's not in a relationship) otherwise you should move on without putting yourself down. Everything happens for a reason and I'm sure you'll be looking back at this having more self confidence.
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