A
female
age
30-35,
*job
writes:I have been seeing this guy for nearlly 2 months but it has gotten to the point where i think we are in a relationship however we havent actually defined the realtionship so not quite sure what we are at the moment how do I go about bringing up that convo without it being weird or awkward? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ajob +, writes (24 September 2011):
ajob is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all for your advice I really appriciate it and i think I will just see how it goes, I have met some of his friends and he has met my best friend which is important for me.
thanks again
:)
A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 I agree with YouWish's suggestion. However, if and when you do have to broach the topic, I would NOT ASK him, but TELL him that you assume you're a couple and see what he says. This does not make you look desperate, clingy or pushy. On the contrary it makes you look confident and decisive. It's also a subtle way of letting him know that whatever perks he's been getting (sexual or otherwise) are not for free.Do NOT ask him 'So what are we?' or 'How serious is this?' (no discourtesy meant to the aunt who suggested it). It disempowers you and makes you look insecure and indecisive. It also implies that you're prepared to keep treating him like a boyfriend while he makes up his mind. And if he is serious about you, he might mistake your lack of confidence for a lack of interest and conclude that you're trying to find out if you can date other men.Asking him to define the relationship gives him almost all of the power in it. There is nothing wrong with taking the initiave to define it yourself. If he isn't in agreement, then you either scale back your investment (and let him earn his way back in) or walk away.
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 September 2011):
 My advice on this is slightly different, and it requires a little more patience and observation.
You've been dating him for 2 months?? Don't bring up the conversation until you've been dating 3 months. Also, listen to how he introduces you to people. Are you meeting his friends? Has he been meeting yours??
In the meantime, between month 2 and month 3, don't even worry about the label in the slightest. Enjoy him, make him keep wanting more. Soon, he'll either bring it up, or when you finally do, it'll feel so natural.
Just have patience. Let your relationship percolate just a tad longer.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2011): You simply ask.It's usual to prefix the question with a statement of your motivation, so that there is no misunderstanding. Avoid accusations, even in tone. Don't require that the other person be a mindreader. eg: "Darling, I'm feeling like I need some clarity because I have been strung along in the past. I'd like to be your girlfriend. Do you want to be my boyfriend?" Not: "It's been two months and you still haven't said I'm your girlfriend sobbing."If you don't get the answer you want then don't close up. Explore why. You really get few chances for personal growth in life and rejection is one of those times. Use it so that you don't become one of those people who repeat the same behaviour over and over.And yeah, it does feel weird. But communication is the glue that keeps a relationship together. So the sooner you two get good at it the happier you will be. After all, if the relationship grows and blossoms they'll be no shortage of even weirder stuff to talk about.Take some care to ask at a good time and place. It is foolish to ask him a a time of high stress, because then you become one last problem to be dealt with on an already-too-long day. It's best to pre-arrange the time, place and agenda, although can add to the weirdness at the start.
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A
female
reader, crummyscreenname +, writes (23 September 2011):
don't be weird and awkward... don't make it a big deal... just ask him "so, what are we" or "how serious is this?", smile, and don't think too much about it or you'll come off all pressured and weird.
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A
female
reader, crummyscreenname +, writes (23 September 2011):
don't be weird and awkward... don't make it a big deal... just ask him "so, what are we" or "how serious is this?", smile, and don't think too much about it or you'll come off all pressured and weird.
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A
male
reader, notanemo +, writes (23 September 2011):
well dont get romantic because if your not hes gone try to be normal put some hints down more often. You know grab his and or hug him frequently but not so frequent its creepy. Some people are afraid to commit or are light headed and can't see whats right in front of them. Your probably afraid of no yourself and so is he but if you show signs of yes he may react. Otherwise stay as is because i know how hard rejection is.
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