A
male
age
41-50,
*ANDAMAN1923
writes:I have been dating my girlfriend going on 1 year and 5 months. She is a single mother with 3 daughters that I have gotten attached to and love very much. The thing is, I don't really think i'm in love anymore with her. There are many things that led up to my change of feelings for her. I won't go into details bout that, and I know the blame is not totally on her. We are both trying really hard to work things out between our differences. I just can't seem to get any feelings into it after 5 months of off and on disagreements and agruements. We currently live together and I know I'm truely unhappy. I think it's really hard for me to break up with her because her daughters are really attached to me as well. I just feel I am just not breaking one womens heart but 4. I know I am not obligated to take care of her and her daughters, but i still do. During all this time I have been contemplating this relationship I have lost some of my best friends since childhood, and my family feels pushed away cause my girlfriend don't get along with any of them. She has a mindset that everyone is against her. I relize this relationship is not healthy for me and know in my heart that she is not the women for me. I'm tired of putting off my own feelings. I've been working two jobs in order to help her and daughters keep a roof over their heads. I may not have feelings for my girlfriend no more but I cant imagine not feeling guilty for leaving her daughters without a roof, electricity, or food. Because currently, my girlfriend has no job. I know they are not my responsibility but I can't live with myself knowing they are going without, I treat those girls as my own. I also know when I do break up with my girlfriend, she will cut off all ties with her, and her daughters with me cause she has that kind of personality and expressed that through words to me several times. So I think my question is, "How do I break up with four ladies I have spent so much time and feelings into without feeling guilty for doing so?"
View related questions:
best friend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (13 November 2009):
 So, basically, she told you several times that you would never see her AND her daughters again if you left her? I would really be disturbed by such comments. I infer that she knows you have half a mind to leave and she uses this cheap threat to make you stay but what a nasty thing to say to you. I understand that you are the only provider here and you worry about their survival but this should not tie you to a relationship you are no longer interested in if this is the case, and to force yourself to carry on would not be helpful to either of you two if this means to hide your true feelings and pretend everything is OK. Surely she must have friends and relatives to lend them a hand until she finds a proper job. In fact, any job should be taken during these tough times so long as it is decent and pays enough for her to upkeep her family. Isn't she currently looking for one? The most you can do in this situation is help her land a suitable job, indicate some opportunities that you know of and wish her the best. If you are so unhappy as you say and you no longer wish to try after you have already been trying hard, one should know when to quit. Since you are close to the daughters you could ask the mother to allow you some visits and financial help if you grew so close to them that you feel responsible for them although you are not their natural parent, iregardless of her threats she might allow you this if they are in need of help and it would be indeed befitted for the girls to have a fatherly figure around. If they feel the same about you, a sudden break up followed by NO contact can shake their little, fragile worlds quite a bit so it's important to shield them from the stress by not denying an interaction between you, however you should understand this doesn't depend on you, whether she chooses to use the children as weapons. You can only hope this is a threat that won't concretise. All I can say is that it's little civilised. I'm afraid the situation doesn't sound at all promising, if you are feeling so low after only one year of having been dating. Do what is best for you and try to part amicably, unfortunately there will be pain as with any separation, this can't be avoided, only minimised. Best wishes.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Hi,
This is a tough one.
You say you don't feel in love anymore.
It sounds as if you are feeling pressure to provide even if she doesn't put this on you.
I'm afraid when you move in with a woman who has kids, you do take them on as well, so you are kind of responsible to provide.. sorry, but its true..
Do you think the relationship would be better if she was working..?
Maybe you resent her for not working and relying on you..
Your right though, why stay if your not in love... You could always give this one more chance, and try to bring a spark back to the relationship as it sounds as if your in a rutt..
sorry if none of this is relevant.
...............................
|
