A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi im 18 and i like to do things that normal 18 year olds do, i love anging out with my friends, going to college, and partying, theres just one difference, recently i have started a relationship with a 36 year old man, ive grown up with him as my uncle's(by marriage) best friend. He isnt a pervert and it only started very recently, but i have always had a pretty big crush on him, he always kept his distance and for some reason when i turned 16 i was warned against him at my aunts wedding where he was best man (as my now uncles best friend) I was lead bridesmaid and he sat me on his knee before my father pulled me off before i could even take a breath!! I classed it as a "that guy is a player and flirts with everyone" thing, and forgot it and started dating a guy i would end up dating for a year, until he left for university and our relationship drifted apart, my uncles best friend later added me as a friend on facebook and we got talking, he admitted he was warned off by my mother and we laughed at the thought of them thinking we would be romantically involved, but we really got talking more than we ever did, and we did start meeting up just for chats first, for me it was a way of talking to an adult that wasnt anyone who was biased about my college work and social life etc, and for him, it was a way to let off steam about the stresses of his work (fireman, yeah i know wahoo!!) About four months ago we took it a step further when he started stroking my hand in a resturant, i knew i wanted it and to be honest i was selfish and didnt care what my family thought as i was stressed about exams i was having at the time, now its like we are almost inseparable, but my parents are really suspicious, i mention his name a lot and, i admit that i do wind them up about him a lot, and at christmas he bought me some lovely underwear in a beautiful box, the thing is, there isnt anyone i could have told my parents it was off, so i avoid the question, which i know i cant do forever but they would go crazy if they found out i am with my uncles best friend, they dont understand that im old enough to make my own decisions now, 'B' treats me wonderfully, hes so romantic, and we have the same tastes in almost everything, its just wierd thinking he grew up with my mother and my uncle and aunty, even my father, they are all similar ages, i really have no idea what this would do to my family if we told them of our relationship, especially my uncle and aunty, any ideas as to how we could soften the blow?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, The Gentle Man +, writes (26 January 2009):
 Well clearly you have fallen into his trap. He has planned this for a while which in itself is really really creepy. He wants a young girl (yes 18 is young) that he has had his eye on since she was a little girl.He is a selfish old man. He was told off by your mother and it appears that he always had the intention to get you. If this was a case of i've met an older man and we hit it off, then thats fine. The fact this man has been carefully laying a plan down to get you all your life is something im finding unsettling. He is also brushing your uncle, his aparent best friend aside. They are (soon to be were) best friends and he should know that there are boundaries and should be man enough to stick to them. Im sorry if you find that hard to read, but it is the truth and you might just be all loved up with this older man and unable to see it. I assure you that your family will see right through this aswell.To soften the blow, Do not put them in the same room.
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