A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I break it to my boyfriend that I am in love with my best (guy) friend?Background info: I met my boyfriend and best friend around the same time (2005-2006ish). I met my boyfriend on vacation in another country. I have family who live there, he was a family friend, we were introduced and we hit it off from day 1. He has always been very sweet, patient, loyal- and everything else I wished for in a man. When the time came to leave, we had grown close and we decided to try out a long-distance relationship and see where it goes. It lasted a year, I broke it off because it was too hard... I missed him constantly and sometimes calls and letters weren't enough- sometimes we need a hug in tough times from our loved ones, or a hand to hold. It's not easy.A few months later, I met my now best friend. You probably didn't see this one coming, but we dated. It wasn't something short and sweet- let's just say life got in the way but while we were together I felt something I had never felt with anyone else before. We had a great connection, and decided to stay friends. To this day, he is still my best friend. I can tell him just about anything, and vice versa. He's fun to talk to and even as the years start to pass us by, he is still the first person I call when I have good or bad news to deliver. He stays up with me on the other line on days I can't fall asleep, and, childish as it sounds, he's always the one I call after watching a horror movie. We are both Christian and we go to church together... I can count on him for anything and he feels the same way.So what's the problem? April of this year, I bumped into my ex boyfriend while on vacation to see family again. Again, the same thing happened. He asked me out on a date to catch up, we talked and laughed, and overall enjoyed each others company. He's fun and a great guy... Before I left, he asked me if we could please try again and I said okay. 6 months have passed, and we write each other constantly, but actually talking is sometimes a little awkward over the phone- nothing like is was in person. He's moving to the US in December with his family, and he talks about us finally being able to be together and get married, start a family... I'm not ready for that. I'm young and I want to take advantge of that, I don't mean go out and party like there's no tomorrow, but go out on dates, have fun... Not skip a whole part of my life and start having babies. We do have a lot of things in common, and I can honestly say he Ida great man... So why am I not in love? I care about him so much, I want him to be happy- but I don't feel happy with him. He tells me he's in love like never before and I think thing are going too fast...The reason I'm posting this is because last night my best friend confessed how much he still loves me and I couldn't help but say the same, because that it how I truly feel and I can't help that.I've felt that way for a very long time but I never dared to say anything... I had decided to settle for what I had- a great guy I cared about, and loved but was not in love with. I told myself with time I would fall in love but time is passing by and it's not happening.I've thought about it long and hard, and if I had to pick one Id rather not spend the rest of my life without, I would pick my best friend in a heart beat.Now how do I break it to my boyfriend?
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male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (21 October 2009):
 How about being honest with your Boyfriend? And be thoughtful about it. He did nothing wrong, but it will make him lose a lot of confidence in any future relationships he has if you don't be honest with him now. remember this is your problem, not his.You say you are a Christian? Then you know the value of honesty. And be completely honest. Time to practice what you profess to believe in.Yeah your BF will be hurt, but if you care about him at all, you will be COMPLETELY HONEST and tell him exactly why. Honesty is always the best policy. Plus if you are honest about it, it will prevent this from blowing up in your face.
A
female
reader, sunnycomet  +, writes (21 October 2009):
 Well first of all I would break up with your boyfriend. You both have different ideas and wants. (I agree that you are you young to be a mother. Enjoy life.)
I would then try again with your best friend and see how that goes.
Whether you want to tell your boyfriend you love your best friend is up to you but it might be easier for him to heal if he didn't know all of the details. Maybe tell him you are not ready for a relationship and you two have different views.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 October 2009):
Don't say you're in love. Just say that you don't think you're the girl for him. If he thinks that you love someone else, it will leave him hurt even more. You are doing the right things by breaking up with him. Unless you're in love with someone, it's just not worth staying with them. Gently tell him that the relationship has come to and end and it's time you both moved on. Don't remain in contact, because it will prevent him from moving on. Do it gently, but firmly so he knows there will be no chance of getting back together. Good luck.
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