A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, could someone pls tell me how to break my relationship with the father of my almost 2 year old child? I love this man but I think he is the most selfish being I have ever met.Let me start from the begining.....I met this man 6yrs ago poor and "dirty" well I saw potential in him and right way cleaned him up.....by that I mean I started buying body wash,creams for him and basically changed him from rugs to riches and made sure he had clean clothes to go for work and gave him money when he didn't have.With time I realised that he was good at public speaking and I pushed him into opening a firm and though am a shy person myself but spent my hard earned salary on his new venture.Things started changing when I became pregnant in 2008, he started giving excuses as to why he won't spend nights at my home. I understood sometimes because he would tell me he wants to write reports the whole night and didn't want to disturb me. Well I finally gave birth to his child. All hell broke loss now.....before the child he had taken me to his relatives and told them that he is what he is because of me.his relations actually saw that I had taken car of there village boy and turned him into this handsome town guy. We had talked about marriage and he had actually bought me an engament ring which turned out to be small......he took it back nd said he was going to have it addjusted.it has never come back upto now.(From 2007)I overlooked all that.Begining of 2009 he confaced that he had found some one else that he wants to marry. I got very hurt because he had started cheating on me way before our daughter was born and in so doing he was getting money from me to buy his girl friend gifts. When I asked him why he did it.....he said he did not feel appreciated enough and went on to say am arrogant and don't want to listen to him all the time. Did I mention he has 3 kids before my one, from his marriage. I still take care of his kids when he leaves town and they love me but I feel he is using me. He asked me to give him time to break off his affair which I did but I just realised that he is still pursuing his relationship and making it look like its over to me. I think someone must shot me for loving this good for nothing man. Resently I told him am ending the relationship end of August if does not end it with the girl friend. Please advise me on how I can end it with him, he has wasted my time already and to make matters worse,he is a spender on useless things like parfume, clothes and cars and evrytime I talk about building or building a house he says he will do it. When will he do it? Please help, iwant out before its too late.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): Dear sister
Not a good thing to hear as your situation. But some how the pre-marriage affairs have become so legitimate and so approved and accepted in the society that marriage and then child kind of culture has been lost some in last 100 year due to slow erosion of moral values in the social fabric.
Obviously you two adult decided to live togethor w/o marriage and and then it is not working out. you are independent and earning. So obviously nothing can be done legally as such, if some other lady has picked him up.
Now he wants to marry other women.
only option is to try to mend it or break it. he will always be father to teh child and that you can never break it. i know it is complex and undesirable, but this is how the culture is.
A
female
reader, tlp  +, writes (21 August 2010):
i would just tell him that you are not a door mat and that you are tired of wasting your time and now it is time for you to close the door on your relationship because you deserve better and you want more for you and your child and your moving on and say good bye and leave it at that because its really not worth your time or energy
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