A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hey well here goes.ive been in a bad relationship for a year now. i dont want any critisicm i dont need it i know what ive done is wrong i just have a proplem that i would like some help with.when i first met him i never knew he had a wife and i was crazy for him we had a wild time 4 like 3 months until i found out, when i found out we broke up and then we sought of became best friends, i met his wife and family and yea i guess i was his sought of fall back girl someone who he could rely on when times were hard and the same goes for me. i had sex with different pple went on dates and stuff like that but all the time he was there in the background. i would say he was a bit controling and i have low self esteem the combination not working well at all.anyways i want to break up with him like never see him again but he has stuff of mine he says hell give it back he always does i trust him in that but by the time hell give it back ill be in debt to him again and i wont be able to go away its always like that. i cant seem to break free. u might say its not important but its all my electronical gadgets that he has and a pair of earing too. what should i do?i dont have anyone who i can ask for help
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (28 June 2011):
 hi,
Congratulations on your determination to address this situation and break free. It's a tough situation, but I think you need to break away from him permanently, and then work on your self esteem.
Emotionally he has you enscared and you hold a mis-placed trust in him. But you have recognised it is time to break away emotionally from this guy.
You may trust him, I would not.
Am I to understand that he's been advancing you money, and, as security, he holds your electrical items until you give him the money back that he loaned you? Does he add on a financial penalty too?
I hear what you have said about the electrical items. And the earings. But these things seem to be stopping you from loving on.
How essential are the electrical items? They are things only. As are the earings.
I bet he never wants you to ever pay the money back? just so he has a financial lever to hold onto you?
Do you have any paperwork/receipts to verify that you've been repaying him for the things he's holding on to? And written confirmation that you forfeit the items if you do not pay the money back by a specific time? This guy is in business,and you are a client who has borrowed money from him.
He sounds such a low life.
If you do not have paperwork to verify all this you could be in trouble. I think I would write to him and agree to forfeit the electrical good (he would get very little for them if he tried to sell them) in lieu of the money you owe him.
Currently you are possibly emotionally drawn to this exploitive man. Can you move away from the area you live in? Although that might be expensive.
And can you create a new budget?
Whereby you steadfastly resolve to live within your money, and never borrow. Never. without exception?
Also don't be in such a rush to have sexual relations with guys. Concentrate on starting to save money regularly. Get a job where there are chances to better yourself.
Look after your own health. Be kind to you. And one day you will meet a nice guy. But still 'qualify' the next guy. Meet his Mom, meet his friends and their wives. You should know where he works. Treasure you. Don't feel that you have to prove your commitment too early after you meet a guy, with sex.
Your self esteem ts so important. Much more importan than earings and electrical goods. Attach the most importance to your safety and building your self esteem.
Things can be replaced.
Good Luck
.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2011): Hi,im gonna tell you something that you dont want to hear. Iv been through that as well. LEAVE!
He is not yours...and staying in the relationship is only making you selfish. Its hard to just let go, but in the end, its for the good of everbody.
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