A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A dear (platonic) friend of mine has shut himself off from everyone. He has recently had some trouble with the law and I think he may be ashamed of what he did. What he did was very uncharacteristic and in truth I thought he might go to jail. That made me very sad as he is normally such a likeable peaceful friend.My partner likes him too. But my partner tells me to just forget him if he does not want to talk anymore. But I am worried that our dear friend will think the wrong thing and think no one cares anymore. Because that is not true. And it is not true of other friends who have tried to reach out to him.None of us were there when the incident happened.But some local newspaper accounts made it out to be very bad. But he was lucky at the Court case recently. He was given a suspended sentence as long as he does not offend again all should be ok. His name was not in the newspaper but there was a story about the trial and it said that the court found that there were mitigating circumstances for one offender. He has to be the one offender as they said the other guys were convicted and jailed,Therefore there must have been some other things that the court thought lessened his complicity in the event. He was with some people who are offenders but he does not usually spend time with them. And I think only the fact that his sister used to know one of the guys might have made him be with them on that fateful night. He has always been a thoughtful considerate studious guy. Never nasty. Always friendly. He has never been in trouble with the law ever. Right from the start when he came to this area people liked him. He does not have family here as he is an immigrant and his family were lost in overseas wars in his country but he was much younger then. So one of the reasons I think people befriended him is that he is so alone but also very likeable. I first met him at school and I know he is a nice guy.But since he was given his suspended sentence he refuses all emails. His phone is on answer and he does not respond to any messages left. Has not responded to texts from any of his friends. When any of his previous friends see him shopping he looks the other way or hurries on.He will not allow anyone to reach out to him and give him support. He did do something wrong. But it was so unlike him. Maybe he lost his mind for a moment. Or more likely it was the people who he was with. Maybe he felt pushed and unable to say no. Maybe he just stopped thinking. It was late at night so maybe they had been drinking except he never drinks or hardly ever.People have tried to reach out to him. Even when his car is in the driveway he will not answer the door.All I think I can do is step back and allow him to resume contact when it suits him.Is there any other way to demonstrate that his friends still want to be there to support him? Or any way to give him support even though he may not acknowledge it? He has been a friend for so long and everyone usually talks about what a great sense of humour he has. So for him to become a hermit like this is just terrible.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): That was me the poster of the question who wrote the follow up so I don't know why it did not show that I was the person writing the follow up. hope this one works. Because Bondgirl72 and Xearo really helped thanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2012): Thank you Xearo and BondGirl72
I tried the short messages idea Xearo. one every four hours. except when I was asleep. Like you said BondGirl72 I told him we are thinking of him. and other Very short supportive messages. Letting him know his friends are here and want to support him.Just received a reply. He wants to talk but he is emotinally very low and feels he failed. I will try to get him to consider a meal with us when he is ready but in the meantime I will just listen so he can say all he wants to say. Thank you for the messages suggestion. It was a good one. And thank you both for your support
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (4 August 2012):
 Write him a note or a card and send it through the mail, or if you cannot get his addres, send an email or text. Tell him you were thinking of him and wondered how he was doing. About all you can do is let him know you're thinking of him...it's up to him to respond or contact you.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (4 August 2012):
Perhaps from your point of view, this situation seems horrible but for him this is his only salvation. I think its important to keep bombarding him with messages or even if they are short...basically never give up. Eventually, if he does come around, it would be nice if there an open arm for him.
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