A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for about 16 months and we don't have sex very often anymore. We waited to have sex at first and when we did finally do it, it hurt me physically but i still enjoyed it because i was so in love with him. after about a month of sex it got really good but then over the next couple of months it just slowed down and kind of stopped. We moved in together after being with each other for 7 months because we "knew" we'd be together forever anyway. Now we have sex maybe once a month, if even that and when we do its not fun for me at all. he starts to get aroused before i do and it kind of freaks me out that he can just snap his fingers and be ready. He's been gettin upset with me lately because I haven't been in the mood and he keeps telling me I should get help by a counsler or do something to prove to him that I'm still attracted to him. I am still physically attracted to him but I'm not sure if i am emotionally. We might have lost that spark. I don't want to give up because I know that if I could fix this we'd be really happy and we would be closer somehow. I guess my question is how should I fix this? How do I become more sexual? Why does it hurt when we have sex sometimes? I want to stay with him so, to me, leaving him isn't an option... right now.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2010): i no what you mean i think im headed down that road, ive dated this guy for close to 2 years and when we have sex its not much fun for me, i dnt feel closer afterwards and its just like ok here i am so you can do what you want to do and then be done. theres a few thigns you could do. -you could take this thing ive heard about called ky for him and her. ive never actually used it but apparently its supposed to help your sex life. -you could talk to him and tell him to get you aroused before he gets aroused. or have more foreplay directed towards you so you can be more into the sex. - you could try it in different places that give you a thrill ( not really sure where that would be ore where you could even do that but im sure you could find places) the connection needs to be there with or without sex. so dont make a decision based on your sex life. i mean if thats the case there are vibraters and things like that you could use if your into that. tell him your not feeling that connection any more and if he asks what he can do to help then he cares. and as for the hurting, maybe its because he is big, or maybe (similar in my case) its because im not into it and he expects me to be ready when he is but im not wet yet bc he hsnt gotten me there so when we have sex n im not wet it hurts. maybe setting the mood will help you (might not help him ) but maybe that way you could be into it so you guys could have sex then when he is ready. hope any of that helped!
A
female
reader, BettyBoup  +, writes (17 March 2010):
 It sounds to me like you need to feel emotionally close to someone for you to enjoy being sexually intimate with him. Try to spend some time getting to know each other romantically again. Things can get a little stale when you live together for a while. When you're around each other all the time it can lose that feeling of intimacy.Try going out on dates. Ask him to spend time with you and maybe massage each other before thinking about sex. Just spend time being physically and emotionally close to each other and I'm sure your desire to be sexual again will follow.Good luck!
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A
male
reader, DeadEyeDick +, writes (16 March 2010):
 Well him getting aroused before you is nature, generally guys live aroused! so I wouldnt put to much thought into that part of your post!
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