A
male
age
41-50,
*mad khan
writes:This is my issue: When I go to the gym, I run across this girl whom I find attractive.She looks me in the eyes really strongly (or at least thats the impression I have) and I know I'm a decent looking dude, so I don't think its in my imagination. Well obviously I have my insecure doubts like anyone else. The question is as follows: I'm REALLY bad at making first contact.One of the issues is this, shes Spanish, I'm American- my spanish is pretty lame- that is, I have the level of maybe..a first grader. OK, so heres an example of something I may do: I go up, ask her straight out if she'd like a coffee- she'll stammer, and say what, I then repeat myself, more and more feeling like a total buffoon...then she'll say something to the effect that its late and shes tired. How can I make a successfull first approach, without seeming crazy? The only words we've exchanged are hello- Beyond thatI absoultely can't tell if she may be interested. I have the impression that she looks at me...but come on...that could mean that maybe I'm having a bad hair day right? What would be the best way to approach her, and ask her for coffee.FIN. Thanks for your advice! (in advance)- of course if i do musterup the courage to ask her out, I'll let you know how it goes.
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male
reader, anon_e_mouse  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 I'm similar to yourself in that I find it really difficult to approach girls I find really attractive. I'm very good at reading people except when I'm involved.
I think the best thing to do is to chat to her. Rather than just say hello when you see why not just her ask her how she's doing? Have a little conversation now and then and build it up from there.
Get to know her little by little - get to know what her interests are, what she likes doing, etc. Once you've broken the hello thing and actually talk a little and often then perhaps you can suggest casually "I fancy a coffee in the cantine, fancy joining me?" and go from there.
Arkiteck: "I know this may sound really tired and immature, but try writing her a letter explaining your interest"
To be honest I wouldn't do this - seems a bit heavy considering you haven't really talked other than say hello to one another.
This is only my opinion but I would be worried this would scare her off. Plus it could be awkward not knowing what her reaction is as you won't be there to see it. On the upside though, next time you bump into her after hse's read the letter you could find she's extra smiley and more receptive to you. On the downside she could think "weirdo".
It might work. I say whatever you're most comfortable with. I wouldn't be comfortable with doing this myself - far better to gradually strike up conversation and build from there in my opinion. Obviously, you think she's hot but I get the impression, other than seeing her down the gym, you don't really know her. Go slow and build the foundation... Get to know her.
The letter thing strikes me as kind of wimpy; Of course I'm generalising here, but I think confidence is a very attractive quality and somehow I think this is a bit chicken. Like I say, this is just me, what have you got to lose by taking time to get to know her a little?
O Connor: "well if you really wanna impress her learn some spanish, and ask her, then ask her if she could help you with your spanish"
This is a good idea. You could mention that you're learning Spanish and ask her some questions about it.
Or just learn a few phrases in Spanish like "I think you're beautiful, would you like to go for a cup of coffee sometime?". Be cheeky with it. Of course some people can pull this off... And some can't.
Whatever you decide what have you got to lose?
I SAY RATHER THAN JUST SAY HELLO ASK HER HOW SHE IS OR HOW SHE'S DOING AND BUILD UP CONVERSATION FROM THERE.
IF IT GOES WELL AFTER A FEW TIMES CASUALLY ASK HER FOR A COFFEE AND TAKE THE TIME TO GET TO KNOW HER.
(Just my opinion though)
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Get to know her first or get a Spanish friend along who would act like your wings .
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (16 January 2008):
 It sounds like you already have found a way to ask her for coffee. Do you feel there is a language barrier (she does speak English, right?) if so her nationality should have no bearing on it. But if she doesn't speak English, then she may not be completely understanding your offer. Ask her next time if she'd like to grab a bite to eat some time. Maybe she'll give you her phone number, or mention that she's starving right now. A green light of course. But if she turns you down again, then back off. She may enjoy flirting with you, but she is probably seeing someone else or knows you aren't her type.
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A
male
reader, Arkiteck  +, writes (16 January 2008):
I know this may sound really tired and immature, but try writing her a letter explaining your interest. I only say this because you obviously have a language barrier of some sort. Write a letter to her in plain english (if that's the language you speak most frequently where you are) that states (and this is the important part) you're interested in getting to know her and would like to go out for a cup of coffee or something. Keep it direct, to the point and above all, not sexual or creepy. Give it to a desk attendent or directly to her. She'll have to the time to decipher it on her own and get the understanding of what you're asking. Just a thought it might work for you.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (16 January 2008):
 does she have any english?? well if you really wanna impress her learn some spanish, and ask her, then ask her if she could help you with your spanish. if you take her for dinner, take her to a really authentic romantic spanish place to make her see that you are interested in more than her gym bod! seems to me like she is interested in you anyway, so just muster up the courage! spanish is actually quite easy to learn - the basics anyway, do you speak any other languages like french or italian? i speak french and find them quite similar. hope this helps, email me if you want some tips, good luck!!
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