A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive been with my boyfriend 7 years now, we both still live at home and everythings going well. Only one thing is a problem money. Im currently at university studying my masters so literally get £5000 a year to live on. He has a great job which is really well paid. I know how much he earns and only hope i can earn the same when i graduate. Anyway we go halfs on pritty much everything we do and hes the one that complains hes skint! Yet he has very few out goings only a phone bill and board which he pays to his parents. He rarely goes anywhere or does anything yet he never has any money. I also discovered numerous final warnings for his phone bill and worrying overdraft letters threatening court action from his bank. Theres are just lying around his room. I know i shouldnt have read them but i have. Im really concerned about where all this money can be going. How do i bring up the conversation without seeming interfering. I know money is a touchy subject but i need to know where all this money is going. Im really good with money and plan on spending the rest of my life with him so i feel i really need to know whats going on. Please help me approach this touchy subject.
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female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 November 2012):
 Hi
Just ask him, if he avoids the question or get's defensive then could be he is gambling online.Don't assume anything though.
As he doesn't have a home to run and all those outgoings, just pays board to his parents,then he should have a fair bit of disposable income.Does he have a car,this drains some income with insurance and running costs? Also it's easy to squander cash on clothes, lunches, take-aways magazines etc.But as he is in debt and getting demands then he is either ignoring his problems and living above his means or does have another problem.
Talk to him, just say 'I dont know where your money goes,I live on £5000 a year'...good way to start the conversation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): Does he ever leave bank statements on show because that would be a sure way of finding out where all the money goes! I agree with Cerberus. You need to work on this fear of talking to him and ask ASAP. What ever debts he has could also affect you in the foreseeable future. After 7 years together, you should feel comfortable enough to talk to him about money. In fact it would be pretty normal to have some sort of a savings plan by now, even if only in theory until you have finished Uni and started working. I am wondering if he has purposely made money a taboo subject.
Gambling does come to mind either online or on the high street. It is one of the easier addictions to cover up until the funds run out. But we can only guess where his money goes, he is the one who knows what it is going on. If you really cant bring yourself to broach the subject, wait until he next says he is broke and then ask him why he is broke.
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A
female
reader, mooh  +, writes (10 November 2012):
You shouldn't be afraid to ask your bf... furthermore you have been together such a long time, and i'm assuming that you guys are probably expecting marriage at one point, so if ever he has any financial burdens: they will also become yours too. Don't be afraid to discuss the topic with him. Maybe he doesn't talk to you about finances because he is afraid of your reaction?
Another thing, as a couple i think that both should be supportive of one another meaning that due to your situation (no stable income) your bf should understand this and not always expect you to pay half of everything. Same thing as if he loses his job for x reason, you will probably help him out financial if you are the one with the job.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2012): "I know money is a touchy subject but i need to know where all this money is going."
What do you mean, he's your boyfriend of 7 years just ask him.
I have a cousin like that OP, earns a good wage but never has money and unless you really looked close you'd never know it but he has a gambling addiction. He spends a lot of the time in the bookies basically. It's the one source of money loss you really can't tell. Drugs have a noticeable effect, so doe partying hard or having expensive cars but gambling is very hard to tell. I have another friend loves to play online poker it's the same deal.
Look assume nothing and just ask him. OP are you really trying to tell us that you're afraid to talk to the guy plan on spending the rest of your life with about money?
You'd want to get rid of that fear quick OP, financial affairs are exceptionally important in any partnership.
Ask him, tell him why you're concerned (the whole shared future thing) and see what he says. OP 7 years you really shouldn't have any fear of talking to him about anything.
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