A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello . This is a little complicated , i went on a date with a guy about 8 month ago we agreed to be a couple but due to work and family and anything else we didnt get to see each other so decided to be friends , fast forward 8 month im in such a fantastic place life wise and hes in a good place too , due to distance we dont just bump into each other so never see each other but im hoping he wants to try and make a go of it properly . The main problems we had before are now gone and i know things are alot more easier now . He does make first contact alot and he does often ask if im on dates or if im still single .The thing is i dont want to just come out with ' lets try again ' i kind of want to 'make' him fall for me , i know men like confident and know what they want women , not desperate or clingy pushy or moaning , but what triggers are there to tug on heart strings ( so to speak ) i want him to see the much happier confident me and see a ' wow ' from me , I know i cant make people do anything and theres no magic wand , any advice is grateful thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 Yes, tbh I think you are reading too much into what he said about the wedding. Did you take him literally- as if he has committed his time to take you there on , say, june 30th 2017 ? You don't even know if he wants to meet you up again NOW, and you are on for .. June 2017 ?...
It sounds to me as if he was just bantering, or, actually, flirting. But flirting does not mean a whole lot in itself- talk is cheap .
What, he can take you to a wedding in a year- but he can't take you out to dinner this coming Saturday ?
Mind what he does, not just what he says.
A
female
reader, singinbluebird  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 It sounds you both are interested in each other but tiptoeing around due to insecurities and the uncertainty of each other. Its even cute...Sweetheart...guys are clueless about a woman's desire. He probably thinks the same thing you are thinking 'we broke up, but now were at a good place. shes so happy right now too, would she be interested in giving US a go again'...hes probably as insecure. And if hes jumping at chance to go with you to an event and initiates texting, these are all great signs. Go with it and say what you feel 'I really like hanging out with you, the idea of us dating again seems to be something ive been thinking about. What do you think?'Bring conversation back to him so he can say what he feels and he can lead the relationship but he needs to know where your heart lies. And when he picks up the reign to guide the relationship, have fun, relax and let him take care of you. Good luck! =)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 June 2016): I'm the OP. I may read too much into this but i've a friend's wedding in a year and said i've got a year to find a plus one as in a boyfriend, instead of him saying, "Oh you'll find someone ", he jumped straight in and said he would go with me. His reply was fast. Maybe he's just being kind so i'm not on my own.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (30 June 2016):
- First of all I would suggest you to look at things with a little healthy skepticism. Not paranoia, but no rose tinted glasses either. You went on a date but then you did not date " because of work and stuff " ? Uhm...maybe.
I am a big proponent of when there's a will there's a way. Because I saw and see it happens all the time. Attraction ( let's not even call it love yet ) is a powerful motivator, and when people are really attracted / interested... they'll find a way.
Young hopsital interns with 3 hours sleep a night date anyway. Overworked single mums with houseful of toddlers date . Pennyless, unemployed people , to whom perhaps common sense should dictate to think of straightening out their finnances first , and then think of love, date nevertheless, even if it has to be just a stroll in the park.
A friend of mine goes each and every weekend to see his lomg distance Gf .. in London. That may not sound like a big stretch from Italy, but- drive to the airport / check-in time / 2 hours flight / over one hour from Stanstead to cental London / tube ride to the outskirts of London... it makes a commuting time of about 6 hours either way. Six hours every Friday night, six hours every Sunday afternoon.
So, be mercilessly honest with yourself and ask yourself if the obstacles to your being together were really so insuparable and unmanageable. ... Maybe he was just not that into you ( or viceversa, of course ).
- I don't think that you need to pull at heart strings, you just need to be who you are, have a life and be at a good place now - which you are.
What I mean, you are reasonably happy, you've got things going for you... do not change that to " facilitate " him. See if he can fit harmoniously in your good life as it is now, without doing cartwheels. I am not saying " play hard to get ", no- but do not bend over backwards to snatch a date with him. If he texts you, what are you doing tonight, answer : sorry, I have got plans already ( which is also probably true ) - but next time, if you give me enough notice, we surely can arrange something .
Don't flood him with messages, and do not answer his the moment you get them. Again, it's not a matter of playing hard to get. Simply- unless you are one of those compulsive types that must reply even promotional texts from shops the nanosecond they get them, you can treat his like any other message from any other aquaintance who has not got anything particularly time sensitive to say. ( Because this is what he is , for now ) They survive well even if you answer them a few hours later , when it's a convenient time for you.
In short, the best way for him to see you as happy and confident is to BE happy and confident , and ACT happy and confident.
- Said that, I think that maybe by your age ( Young ! of course, but definitely an adult woman ) you'll be tired to play seduction, come-hitherish games. You'll know what you want and what you have no use for anymore, I guess. So, if what you want is a relationship and not an FWB, or a " let's take it a day at the time and then who knows one day ... " you are legitimated in being very discriminating, and in filtering out pretty soon if you are on the same page.
Asking is always allowed, and responding is always optional. If you know for a fact that you don't want to do " just fun " or " fluid " or whatnot, you can simply and honestly tell him whenever he asks you out, or brings up your dating life : that you are only looking for dating
( him, or any guy ) regularly and exclusively, in view of establishing a relationship if things click . You don't need " fun " or " hanging out " because you do that with your friends already.
I think this is not clingy or needy- knowing your mind well and speaking it out is not needy, it is just honest and sensible.
And... if he gets " scared " ?.... Then you have your answer- he is not the person you want and need , you have different agendas .
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A
female
reader, Deeksha  +, writes (30 June 2016):
 Well, you don't want to make the first move but you want him to be back in your life. It's like a bird who wants to fly but is scared of heights. Look it's not necessary for you to directly go up to him and talk about your relationship. Instead you could hangout after work, catch up for a quick drink, go for a movie, sight seeing or something. Just spend some time with him. I am sure it will sort it out. And to hangout together you can ask him just by texting or calling up and be more like a friend or an acquaintance than showing the feelings you have for him.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 June 2016):
 Ask him out. It really is that simple. Without doing that, how will he fall for you?
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