A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:heya people. ive been seeing a guy i met through friends for a few weeks and its been really great but i want to ask him whether we are a couple or if its just a casual thing. i know its only been a few weeks but i want to know because i dont know how to act with him in public or in front of friends, like last night everyone went to someones flat for drinks and things and i went after i finished work and when i got there it was just really awkward because i didnt know how to act with him and he seemed unsure as well. and then when he left to go home as he had work in the morning he yelled goodbye to everyone and seemed hesitant to approach me but when i went to get a drink he was still in the flat talking to a mutual friend and he came and kissed me goodbye.i need to know if its casual in the sense that we can see other people, if we're a couple, or if its casual just between us so we're not a couple but we dont see other people either if that makes sense. im starting to really like him and if it turns out to be casual, i might stop seeing him as i dont think i would be comfortable if he was sleeping with someone else or something but obviously im not going to tell him that as its a bit heavy seeing as its only been about a month and i dont want to scare him off.so i guess what im asking is how should i approach him about this? what should i say? i was thinking of something like "i was just wondering whats going on between us, like is this a casual thing because i just want to know where i stand with u?". i want to keep it light and not sound all serious and heavy.guys opinions would be really appreciated as they know what scares them off lol. thanks Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Zim +, writes (3 September 2007):
 I can quite understand you don't want to scare him. You like him, and to be honest if you have both been dating for a month you are a couple in my book. I need to know a few things though. What kind of guy is he? Is he a confident or shy type of guy and does he initiate or wait for you to start things? (Such as a kiss for example) All these can mean different approaches will work best.:-)
Simplest and easiest is to ask him when you are both together privately something like "so are we a couple now?" Do it in a quiet moment or just after a party, never before. A lot of people have a misconception that it has to be a grand moment but with my last girlfriend this is how we established it. Short, sweet and to the point. He will appreciate it especially if he is a shy type and/or waits for you to initiate. Even a stereotypical macho guy will appreciate it.
Since you have been going out for a month, I would consider you both to be a couple. It could simply be that he is not "willing" (for want of a better word) to do things as a couple because he feels the same as you. The fact that he kissed you goodbye afterwards when a MUTUAL friend was about or even when they were gone suggests that he does want to show you affection but not publicly. I can't say what your guy will like, but it might be possible that he's the type of guy that likes and is confident to show affection privately rather than publicly. There are people like that.
I hope this advice helps you, if you want any more help just ask.
ZIM
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