A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:God I'm in agony. Me and the major love of my life who I have been with for 6 years have had a major major bust up about a week ago (we've had lots of problems) and not spoken for a week (he stormed out of the house and said he was never coming back and called me a bitch as well - this is the longest time we have ever ignored each other). I feel bereft without him but he behaved awfully during the argument and then my sister phoned him and was really rude to him in defence of me, which she told me about later. I am still annoyed with him but missing him too and just really wish we could sort all our problems out. I love him so much but I just find it so hard to get through to him. I have decided not to contact him at the mo but will want to speak to him at some point - i thought maybe next week. I'm not sure what to do and I know he won't want to call the house phone in case my sister answers (i do have a mobile though). Also she is threatening to be rude to him again and I don't want her to. I feel she has said her piece and I appreciate her sticking up for me but I don't want to exacerbate it all. He is quite insecure and usually waits for a sign from me after an argument but I think this time he should make a move however if he does not, then I will have to but I'm not sure how to approach this and it is really stressing me out. Any comments would be gratefully received.
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male
reader, rcn  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 First of all, I agree with the other poster. It's not your sister's relationship, she needs to butt out of it. There's nothing wose than a relative or friend making everything worse.
I wouldn't wait for him to make a move. You're both probably waiting on eachother, but he's use to you making the first move. You've trained him in that behavior by doing it in the past. To change it now may cause more harm, and a longer wait.
You guys need to sit down and figure out, why and where are these problems coming from. Which one or both have false expectations of how a relationship should work and the other person not meeting expectations. I say this because quite often when in a relationship people try to mold the other person into something they're not, then the person their trying to change gets apprehensive because they're not being accepted for who they are.
I can't say if he's coming back or not. I will say, everyone has a certain point where enough is enough. How many times does it take for him to leave and not communicating before he reaches that point.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 February 2008):
 Call him and tell him that you want to talk and settle those issues and meet him in a public place .It is better you meet face to face than through the phone or e-mails.The home atmosphere maybe intimidating. A public place is the best place to meet and settle differences.
You can read my reply on this thread.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/which-one-of-us-should-make-the-first.html
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (14 February 2008):
 One-please thank your sister for her good intentions but now she needs to stay out of it. Period. You do owe him an apology for your sister's behavior...or she does.
Two-you both need a cooling off period. He may or may not call and if you want to talk to him, you may have to call him. Not being sure what the argument was or if it was more serious than others but after a cooling off period mature people need to discuss the matter. If you decide calmly that it's over, then fine get your exits planned, etc. But you can not end a 6 year relationship by storming out of the house. Hopefully he will see that.
Good luck to you. Have you thought about counseling?
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