A
female
age
30-35,
*inkpilot
writes:I recently got into a relationship with one of my close friends. In about 3 weeks we will be going to school 7 hours away from each other. He's very tight financially because his parents are unemployed and he's paying for college on his own. I, on the other hands, have everything paved for me already. I want to fly out to him every month and send him stuff to make our relationship a little easier. How do I tell him to not pay for my traveling expenses (and not send me gifts) without possibly hurting his ego?? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (31 August 2010):
I know how this guy will feel about this, because I'm in the same situation. I'm basically broke, whereas my girlfriend is very successful. I don't care about that, but it does hurt when I can't spoil her a bit!
For starters, keep the gifts you send to a minimum and make sure they're not over the top. He doesn't need you to be spending money on him all the time. That will get to him. In fact, the gifts you should probably send should be ones that mean something personal, such as photos and such.
As for the travelling, just say that because you're coming to him, it's easier for you to pay and book the tickets and such because of all the security they have at airports. If her persists, then say to him that you need to pay half, because that's the way you were brought up. That sounds a little better then 'I'll pay'.
A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (31 August 2010):
 Ouch, watch out because he may be the type of guy who doesn't like handouts. If you do this then it's liable to cause an argument...he wants to feel like he can take care of you not the other way around. Tell him it's not ideal for him to pay for your travel because he has to pay for college. You don't want to take money from him that can go to his education. If he still persists then tell him you will half and he can pay half. As for the gifts if their small ones let him send them to you however if you know if they're expensive then I would tell him oops you already have that, better take it back. Now you sending him gifts, unless it's a holiday or you bought him a souvenir from your vacation then I would advice against it. Let him know you're doing this because you care about him and his future. Hope the talk goes well!
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