A
female
age
26-29,
*seudonym
writes:I'm a seventeen year old girl, from Ireland. I've been in a new relationship for a few months now but we've been taking it slow. I've lost my virginity already (to a different guy, but it was only one time) although this is like starting all over again. My main problem is contraception. My mother would like to keep me very sheltered and she gets rather stressed out and anxious over the fact that I am eighteen soon (age of consent is 17) and still tries to treat me as a young child. She often keeps things from me (ie.Counsellor appointments, breast checks at the doctor) in order to "protect" me, or because she thinks I won't understand or am too young. I want to go on the contraceptive pill, but since I don't have my own source of income I can't buy it myself. So, my question, how do I broach the subject of my becoming sexually active, the prescription of the pill etc in a way that won't be as shocking (if that's possible) any tips?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): Coming from the UK, I'm quite shocked the pill isn't free in Ireland! We're lucky that it is here. Maybe you could get a weekend job, holiday job, or evening job so you can buy them for yourself. The work experience will be good for you and then your parents will never need to know.
Alternatively tell your mum you want control over when you have your period, not because you want it for contraception. You could say you have a big thing coming up at school or work and don't want it falling on a day when you feel like crap.
If you're having sex make sure you use condoms too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2015): Pill or no, you must use condoms.
Your parent's responsibility to you at your age, while living under their care and custody, is to teach you abstinence. They know how unrealistic that is, they are not stupid. They also know your hormones will overrule your common-sense. You only see the here and now when it comes to sex. You don't foresee venereal disease and unplanned pregnancy; because you want to please a "boy" and your own sexual urges.
It is not a parent's job to condone sexual activity for their teenagers. It's their job to protect you from your faults, stupidity, recklessness, and poor judgement. That's a lot of work, when they have to face rebellion and resistance from a growing teenager. God help those parents with a brood of kids, including teenagers! They still have to sleep at night. They're the ones who have to bear the criticism and ostracism society brings down on them for bad parenting. Even the law will throw the book at them if they fail you! Not to mention their own parents! Oh, you live in Ireland? Lets throw in the Church! I had a Catholic mother too!
Your mother might be going overboard to keep you from counseling or medical attention. That doesn't make any sense if you need it. You don't need parental consent for counseling from the school psychologist; if it's absolutely critical for your mental health. Breast exams are not usually begun until your 20's and older. You're still physically developing, and there is no particular need for breast examination at 17. However; if you become sexually-active, you will need gynecological examinations. You had better place equal responsibility on that guy you are allowing to penetrate your body. The pill does not protect you from STD's!
Chances are, you haven't told your mother you are already sexually active. So she will not approve of you going on birth-control; when you are not ready to take on parenthood if you make a mistake. It means you can't miss a pill, and must be committed to taking the pill daily without a mistake. You will also be less likely to insist he wear a condom; because you will only concern yourself with not getting pregnant. You'll ignore the possibility of STD infection; because kids your age think they're invincible.
Your main objective is to have regular sex with your boyfriend, who is the culprit behind your concern for not getting pregnant and wanting to go on the pill. While placing very little responsibility on himself.
Prepare for the big NO!!! Mother will shift the responsibility to be careful back on the both of you. You'll either have him wear a condom; or you will find yourself struggling as a single mother. The risk is that he'll walk away and continue through life like nothing ever happened, or pretend he wants help until the burden becomes too much. What can a 17-18 year-old boy do for a family? He'll resent you and any unplanned pregnancy. It will all be blamed on you! Will your parents approve of an abortion?
That's just how complicated this all is. Although, you will have sex just the same. I was pointing out the position a parent takes and why.
So if she says no, she has her reasons. Use condoms until you're old enough to get contraception without parental consent.
By the way, until you can sign legal documents on your own, and take complete responsibility for yourself in legal matters, you are a child in the eyes of the law. Your parents are held fully responsible for your safety and welfare; until you become a full-fledged adult and can assume full responsibility for the consequences of your actions and decisions.
Turning eighteen doesn't make you suddenly capable of taking care of yourself; or automatically increase your better judgement and decision-making abilities when the clock strikes midnight on your birthday.
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