A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my girlfriend for two years and we live together, everything is perfect BUT in all this time she won't touch my penis. We have sex three times a week and will let me touch her etc (not allowed to go down on her) . I have spoke to her about this but she says she just doesn't think about doing it even though I have bought it up on more than one occasion, she has never given a handjob or blow job before but by now I thought she would at least try? It's becoming an issue for me as my previous partners have had no problem with handjobs and blowjobs and I thought it would just happen in time but it hasn't. It just makes me feel unwanted in a way which I know is silly really. I appreciate everyone is different and that I should never just expect things but it just seems unsual especially because she knows it would mean a lot to me. I mention it nothing changes, I dont mention it nothing changes. I guess I just need people's opinions as to why she won't do it do I just have to accept it? She always says maybe if she was drunk but I dont want her to do it just because she is drunk because it doesn't seem right. Opinions please? My girlfriend is 23 I'm 26
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blow-job, drunk, hand-job, my penis Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2015): I think you need to talk to her more. You might also ask if anybody else ever went down on her; if they haven't, maybe she should let you try, since lots of women love it?
She clearly has some issue with penises! Maybe something happened to her in the past?
If it's important to you, you could suggest she get some therapy.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): I had a boyfriend that tasted absolutely disgusting when he ejaculated and it really put me off going anywhere near a penis for a long time. He would also force my head down really hard and the whole experience was quite horrific! One day he told me I was doing it all wrong and got annoyed. When he went down on me he bit me once and it was horrible.I also had a boyfriend who didn't like receiving blow jobs because an ex hurt him while doing it and when I tried doing it to him he went completely soft and killed the moment. He didn't even try to go down on me either because he said that same person who hurt him smelled badly. So his ex put him off oral sex completely. Those two experiences were my first experiences so I was really inexperienced with going anywhere near a penis.My last boyfriend and I had an amazing sex life and he loved me going down on him and he was awesome at going down on me. If she's saying that she may do it when she's drunk I think she's just nervous about doing it properly. Has she had a bad experience with giving somebody a blow job in the past, or maybe somebody told her she wasn't very good? I know you feel its a bit wrong her doing it when she's drunk but sometimes drink just makes you lose your inhibitions, you're in a committed relationship and she trusts you. I don't think that's taking advantage of her when she's said she'd be fine with it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2015): I have been in this sort of situation. I might have an idea of how she feels.With my first boyfriend we were both virgins, and so I knew anything I did would seem amazing to him. I wasn't shy at all with him and blowjobs weren't a big deal. If I was terrible at them, who cared? He didn't know the difference.Then I got together with another guy who was much more experienced and I was terrified to try with him in case I was a big disappointment. At first he said he understood some girls don't like to do it, he didn't mind, he wasn't going to pressure me, etc.But after a few months he was getting impatient and I felt I had a lot to live up to. If I was going to do it I'd have to make it worth the long wait! That was a lot of pressure. I was afraid of failing. I also considered getting really drunk so I wouldn't feel so nervous, and so I'd have something to blame it on if I turned out to be awful. I never did it though. I still haven't with any other man either.That said, that second ex-boyfriend has been with his current girlfriend for 3 years, and he's admitted to me that she doesn't give blowjobs either. He's clearly content with their sex life without it. If everything else with you guys is fine, you might just have to learn to live without blowjobs. In the meantime, don't pressure your girlfriend- it'll make her even less likely togive it a go. She needs reassurance instead.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (6 September 2015):
 I had a male friend once who claimed he was so turned off by giving oral because, in his words lol, "mentally scarred" by one particular woman lack of hygiene and just no longer goes there. Maybe this is something she has experienced in her past and my gf just can't bring herself to do it to her husband either. When I asked her why she just screwed up her face and said " ew…i don't know i just can't bring myself to do it" 10 years married and one half arsed attempt she reckons. So i guess different strokes for different folks. I think there may be more to it than what she would like you to believe because if you have spoken to her about it on occasions it seems hard to believe that it 'just doesn't think about doing it'. I mean that's kinda like saying close your eyes and think of nothing..something always pops into your mind so i would imaging when you are having sex, your penis in her mouth would pop in to hers. Could be she has never done it before and is embarrassed to give it a go in case she sucks,pardon the pun. Help her out and guide her, your hand on hers. maybe try mutual masturbation or just concentrate on enticing her during sex the enjoyment of receiving. Maybe then she will be less reluctant to reciprocate. As for accepting it, well that's really up to you because it is something you can learn to live with or something you can't and find someone more sexually compatible. Personally if this is the only thing causing you a bit of grief in the relationship but she is the girl for you in other ways, Id be hanging in there because you do enjoy a relatively active sex life.
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