A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm 21, a student and my problem is I'm socially inept when it comes to approaching/talking to women. Men I can talk to whenever etc have no probs. Am funny, loose and a right 'mans man', just make everyone laugh etc. Women however, I just dont know what to do/talk about, dont wanna blow my own horn, but I'm a good looking chap, so I do get approached by women quite often, but they quickly lose their interest when I dont have anything interesting to say after the usual, 'name, where you from'...thats about all i do (oh and when i dance im an insult to polystyrene!). I have even intentionally not gone out when I knew an absolutely stunning gorgeous woman was going to be there and apparently was interested in me....now shes dating my mate!As a result of this I pretty much have only male friends, no girlfriend (never a LT one). Just have no idea what to do, get quite down about it. Sorry about the essay! Any practical advice would be brill! Thanks all. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, nigelfuxwell  +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Not a problem, my friend. Let me know how it works, and if you still feel hesitant, hit me up on email, and I'll give you some tips. No cheesy one liners, the real stuff.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionnigel mate, cheers for that. That was some really good advice
...............................
A
male
reader, nigelfuxwell +, writes (23 July 2007):
The first thing you need to realize is that you are not socially inept. The fact that you find it hard to talk to a woman does not mean you're some kind of freak, every man has been afraid to approach or talk to women at some point in their lives. I had this exact same problem into my twenties even AFTER I had been in a long term relationship.Generally speaking, men who have issues communicating with women they find attractive USUALLY have one of two issues.1) A general lack of self confidence - which you clearly don't have because you do recognize in your own words that you're "a good looking chap" and get approached by women. If you realize that, then it's not a TRUE confidence issue. It's something else.2) The tendency to put the opposite sex on some mysterious pedestal - You could be the best looking, richest, funniest man in the room, and when a beautiful woman comes passing by, we can without warning freak out sometimes! Let's face it, from the time we had our first crush - we men have been dealing with butterflies in our stomachs, sweaty palms and general nervousness when face to face with a woman we find attractive. Some more than others, of course, but any man who says he never gets a little nervous is a liar. In your case, it could very well be that subconsiously, you've placed women into an unrealistic category. In other words, you've unknowingly elevated them to a status so high somewhere in your brain, that you don't see them as people when they talk to you. Ask yourself this. When you're having a conversation with your mates, one of the boys, what goes through your mind? Do you care what they're thinking of you at the time? Are you pre occupied with wondering if you bore them? Are you wondering what in the world to talk about? Is that maybe what's going through your mind when you're talking to a woman?Talking to a woman is absolutely no different from talking to a guy from the standpoint of just being yourself. The first time I approached a woman after being in a long term relationship, I was nervous beyond belief, but I was sick of going out and watching my friends hook up, and I'd have to drive everyone home. Finally one night, I took a shot of liquid courage, walked up to the hottest girl in the bar, and smiled at her. I asked her name, bought her a few drinks, and we talked. The thing that I learned that night, is that instead of me trying to WOW her with amazing conversation, I simply asked her questions about her. And the questions I asked were questions I sincerely wanted answers to. And when she talked, I listened, and asked more. When she got tired of talking about herself (which took a while) she asked me questions about me. I happen to have a strange sense of humor, so somewhere in there, I made her laugh. It's no secret that if you can make a woman laugh, you've pretty much got a chance.So in summary:1. Loosen the hell up! She's just a girl! OK, so she's gorgeous and everything but so what? Chances are, she probably considers herself socially awkward in some way. She's not an angel or a creature from Venus. She's a human with breasts. 2. Talk to her like you would one of your guy friends. OK, maybe you want to leave out the extreme profanity at first, but you know what I mean. Women want to be treated with respect, and like you would any of your friends or family.3. Look her in her eyes, smile, and genuinely show interest. Ask her questions. Lead the conversation off, but pass off the responsibility to her. Thankfully, women love to talk, so this should not be a big problem! When the time comes to talk about yourself, just do that. Talk about what you like. Know thyself, and you'll be fine.4. Show her that confidence of yours! Who cares if you can't dance?!? Most people who are on a dance floor can't! My best friend dances like an epileptic chimpanzee, but he really doesn't care what you think. The fact that he goes out there with a woman does two things. It makes her laugh, and she's turned on by the fact that he's confident enough to get out there and make a fool of himself for her.Give it a shot...
...............................
A
male
reader, Peterk5699  +, writes (23 July 2007):
 I'm pretty much the same. Whether I'm asking for directions or at a gig it's usually a guy I end up talking to. I think it's cos we're guys ourselves and know how to talk to one another so to speak.But it's hard approaching a girl due to shyness, fear of being ignored/turned away or thinking she won't like us. But as eve said below, all you need to do is take a breath, stand up straight and look confident. Girls like confident guys so act/be confident and you'll have a nice chat and hopefully kick it off.Good luck!Pete =]
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (22 July 2007):
 I meant to add... no matter how nervous or shy you feel when talking to a woman, she doesn't know it, she can't see inside you so just be brave about it. Take a deep breath when you see someone you like and just go for it! Tell yourself she's just like you and she'll probably be just as shy so YOU take the lead! The more you do it, the easier it gets. Good luck!
Eve
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (22 July 2007):
All you need to remember is that a woman likes to talk! Ask her about herself, her interests, likes and dislikes. Compliment her too, that will go a long way. Just remember they're human like you are. Be yourself and be genuine, if you like what she has on then tell her it looks good on her. Ask her what type of music does she like, has she seen this band or that band before. Once you find a common interest she'll start talking to you and just take it from there. If she talks about her work then ask her how long she's been there, does she enjoy it etc. Before you know it the conversation will be flowing and you'll forget your shyness.
Eve
...............................
|
