A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi There is this girl which we have a lot in common with...she is single mother to 4yr old girl but her dad has nothing to do with them from day she was born. What're your thoughts about being a step dad? I don't have kids of my own either, only she does. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2017): In my opinion girls are much easier to raise than boys. If you feel you love this lady enough to marry her and spend your whole life with her then go for it and don't miss it. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (22 July 2017):
 If she's responsible, she won't let you meet her child until at least 9 months of dating. If she suggests sooner, you need to say you'd like to wait longer to be more sure of your relationship.
Take it slow, don't get your hopes up and don't look too far ahead because it may not work out.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (22 July 2017):
 I agree with honeypie when she says that a kid should only be introduced to you after a reasonable dating period. It can be confusing for a child if people just quickly come into and out of his/her life so make sure not to be someone who is going to leave very quickly. I suggest that you date the child's mom for a while before meeting the kid just so that you're sure that it's the kind of situation that you want.
It's not easy being a step parent either and I applaud you for your willingness to try but bare in mind that you will never be her biological dad and the older she gets and the moodier she gets, just be prepared to be reminded of such. It won't be easy but you have to be prepared for the bad things as well.
Do not ever get close to a child just to disappear in the end. She's never had a father figure and if you take on a serious relationship with her mother, she will learn to depend on you as if you were her actual dad because you will be the only guy that she knows.
If you decide to go through with being a father figure to this child, then you will have to be in their lives for long-term so make sure that dating her mom is what you really want.
All in all, I's say, take you time to date her mom and make sure that you don't jump ahead too quickly because it may end up being a disaster if you are not careful.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 July 2017):
 How long have you known this mother? Personally, I think the BEST thing for the KID is to DATE for a good amount of time (9-12 months) before introducing the kid to a new partner. The older the kid (15+) the shorter this time can be. For a 4 year old I would definitely give it GOOD time beforehand and before stepping UP as a step-anything.
Think about it. She has a bio-dad who let her down (even if she has no memory of him she still KNOWS he isn't around) She doesn't need to bond with another male who might let her down.
So I say slow your roll. TAKE your time getting to know the mom and if you can SEE yourself with her LONG term, then slowly get to know the child.
Being a step-anything is a big responsibility. Even more so if the choice to adopt comes up. That I wouldn't entertain without a marriage first.
Some people have issues raising another man's (or woman's) child, some don't. That will have to be up to you. I can't tell you how to feel about that.
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