A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have a best friend who did a lot for me more than anyone has ever done for me. i lived with him for 7 years and have known him since i was 14. He was the only person who was always there for me through thick and thin and supported me in all of lifes ups and downs. He is a great guy and did everything to make me happy. we were each other's first love but we had an open relationship in the last two years and he fell in love with another girl. i was very jealous and cried a lot and asked him to stay but he left me. i met the new girl and made it known to her i didn't like her.another time i got drunk with his friends and told them i want to wake them both up i'm so jealous. i went to his new place with a sad face. when i went out for lunch with his girl friend i told her alot about how my relationship with him was and said somethings i shouldn't have. instead of telling her how great of a guy he is i made her think he left me because he wants to experience another relationship and i dont want him to be happy. i feel so bad how could i do this to the person who did sooo much for me and cared so deeply for me. i should just be happy for him instead of saying these things to her and being so selfish. he doesnt see me as his best friend anymore or tell me what's going on in his life, he has now completely closed me out from his life, his girl friend does not want him to hangout with me neither does he. i'm a terrible person. is there anything i can do to keep him in my life as a friend of course.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2012): I'm sorry sweetie but he's already gone..
The fact that you gave him licence to an open relationship was the end of yours and his.. But you cannot focus on that now.. Yes what you dis was terrible I'm sorry to say, and you even blew the one chance of keeping him in your life as a friend.. But you cannot not and most not focus on that either..
He's gone.. The world hasn't .. And you have learned a lot through this, I got that from your post, you regret being how you were and do you know what, you can take that and turn into something positive.
Start by a new make over just to make you feel good, start going out with females bars, don't force yourself to be with anyone as your not ready.. Getting chatted up and feeling good is an ego boost you need at the minute, remember your not second best, your number UNO and you will find the perfect partner for you..
Let him go.. You need to stand tall, chin up sweetie .
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (12 October 2012):
 This is very simple - YOU CANNOT BE FRIENDS WITH AN EX WHEN YOU STILL HAVE FEELINGS FOR THAT EX.
If the relationship ended and it was a mutual decision, where both of you agreed it should end and neither of you felt feelings more than friendship for each other then friendship would be a possibility.
But the fact is here that you didnt want him to leave, you still have feelings for him and you are desperately trying to cling on to him in any way you can just so he is in your life. This will never work as a friendship, you wont be able to stop yourself feeling jealous about his new relationship, you wont be able to stop yourself feeling upset whenever he talks about his new life with his girlfriend....and I doubt you will be able to stop yourself from trying to sabotage their relationship still.
You cant be friends with him, simple as that. You are going to have to let this go, write it off as a bad experience and move on. You will never get over him unless he is out of your life once and for all. I know its hard when you still care about him and yes in an ideal world we would all stay friends with the people we care about, but life doesnt work that way. Staying friends with this ex will only enable you to carry on harbouring feelings for him, and it will end up holding you back from being happy in life.
Go cold turkey, stop hanging out with his friends, delete your ex's number, take him off facebook, delete his girlfriend too....rebuild your own life with your own friends instead of clinging onto his life. You are not a part of his life anymore, he doesnt want you and you need to accept that. You will be sad and lonely for a while, but eventually with time you will start to feel better and not knowing what he is doing will help you put him in the past so you can start to look to the future.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 October 2012):
 I can't find it but I think you posted about this already... if' I'm wrong forgive me...
there is no way to fix this.
and there is no way IMO for ex's (and clearly he's an ex he's your first love and the last two years of the relationship you were so desperate to try to keep him you let him sleep around on you) to be friends.
even when you have kids with an ex you are not FRIENDS you may be civil and even FRIENDLY but NOT FRIENDS.
to be honest if I was his GF I would tell him that I did not want him having contact with you and if he loved me he would respect my wishes and not yours... YOU are not as important to him as he is to you...but she is... and therefore she will overrule your needs and wants.
wish him well and let him go.
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