A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:How do I act with my coworker- a little background -when I started working for this law firm I noticed that me and one of the senior lawyer were attracted to each other BUT he is married. Although I would never push the envelope I do notice he might also be attracted - he has complimented me on my looks and we have gone for drinks once (nothing happened) long story short when we have meetings I often talk to him since there are a lot of cliques in the law firm and I just keep quiet. In the last meeting he made a reference about how we should also talk to other coworkers (it was a jab) but I didn’t get it. I believe this may have come from other team members seeing us talk excusively at meetings and I feel like he doesn’t want that to be seen? When we left an event together he briefly said once “oh now their gonna think something is up” I thought that was strange since on my end I have never made an advances on him(privately and publicly. I do realize we have a couple of team members he associates with that gossip; he partakes in that I don’t He is always the one to initiate conversation and if anything he is the one that badmouths his wife and other coworkers - and even compliments me. I don’t get it - he is hot and cold when he is the one that pushes the conversation sometimes - when I am quiet he will say Your so quiet and notice itI know we might have a mutual attraction and i get the feeling we pay close attention to what each of us might be doing but how do I react to someoene like this If I ignore him then I don’t want to make enemies either (we”re on the same team) but I also know that he has a big mouth I also sort of like him!This is confusing as there are two other coworkers that also gossip with him that I have steered away from since I don’t want drama but now it appears that this is bothering me Help- how do I act towards him- even though I like him - I know nothing will come out of it and I need my jobI don’t trust he is a good person but I want to keep it cool - how?
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (16 December 2017):
 As previously mentioned; keep things professional. Shut down the friendly talk.
If he badmouths other people then don´t for a second think that he will stay polite forever. He is MARRIED. I think he may be trying to initiate something and by you engaging in his private talks and inside jokes, you´re only encouraging this behaviour.
Perhaps you need to set some boundaries. That means no more private drinks and leaving places together OR even little inside jokes and conversations. He needs to know his place, and you need to show him where that place is.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (16 December 2017):
 I would imagine your co-workers are gossiping about you because they only ever see you talking to this one guy, put 2 and 2 together, and come up with their own total. This is just cliche office environment. Also, you don't know what he has been saying to them. He could have been insinuating there is something going on between you, especially if he does find you attractive.
I totally understand why you would not want to get involved in drama in the workplace and why you steer clear of certain people. However, always chatting on a one-to-one basis with this guy is bound to start tongues wagging. And going out for a drink with him is definitely not a good idea if you want to avoid being the subject of conjecture and gossip.
I agree with Honeypie. You need to act professionally and politely - and try to steer conversation away from personal talk to professional talk. If he compliments you on how you look, smile, say thank you and change the subject to work. If he asks why you are quiet, say you are busy or thinking, and change the subject to work.
You don't mention a social life outside work. Perhaps you could concentrate on that a bit more so that you can spend time with friends and, possibly, meet someone who you don't work with and who is not married.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 December 2017):
 Just be polite and professional. Whether he "likes" you or not or you "like" him is ABSOLUTELY irrelevant. Even if he is looking for a fling or whatnot, don't fall for it.
This is your WORKPLACE! Where you EAR your living, not the local watering hole where you go hurt for some man-meat.
HE is married. So should be totally off limits. Unless you are a sucker for drama and punishment.
Make friends OUTSIDE the workplace and look for guys to date OUTSIDE the workplace as well.
If there is ANY kind of gossip about you and him and you hear it NIP it in the bud.
Do be polite, professional, and friendly to your other coworkers as you feel comfortable. Just don't divulge any personal info about you or that guy. If you only talk to ONE coworker it can make you seem like you are either a bit full of yourself or look down on them (even if that is not the case).
And I would NOT be going out for drinks with this guy alone again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2017): Just keep it professional because if you guys do have sex it changes the whole work dynamic. And if he talks bad about his wife he will do it to you as well just remember he’s married and he probably likes you but doesn’t want to go in that gray area. Remember keep it professional unless your going to quit.
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