A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How do I act confident without coming off as arrogant?Don't get me wrong, I don't try to come off as arrogant, but when I'm with women I tend to come off as arrogant, abnoxious, and a bit stuck up.Which basically makes me look like a complete asshole.I'm not very arrogant either, I think I try to come off as being overly confident in myself when I'm on dates or w/e, it's just a natural reaction.Any advice? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): The reason you come off as arrogant is in the opening question you wrote;
"How do I act confident without coming off as arrogant?"
The answer is you can't. Trying to act confident or simulating confidence gives an artificial sense to it. Women are especially resceptive of this.
How can you look confident but not arrogant?
Let it come naturally. As mentioned already, be yourself and enjoy your date. Be relaxed, calm and cool. Possibly without even realising, you will exude confidence in the right way. Trust me, that is the best way to go about it.
A
male
reader, Uncle Trev  +, writes (23 September 2007):
Confidence is a good thing - where I see it at it's best though is where it is accompanied with humbleness.
Confidence is feeling good about yourself and in a positive sense and a humble sense it is also about seeing good in others too.
Arrogance is almost the opposite - you come over as full of yourself and instead of looking up at others and edifying them you look down at them and be-little them instead.
You say you come over as arrogant when you are with a woman - may I suggest that you lay back a bit and don't be in such a rush to blow your own trumpet. Try the more modest laid back approach and listen carefull to whatever she has to say.
Try reading some of the how to - series of books that you can find on any PMA shelf in a bookshop or the local library. They are quick reads - about two hours a piece and are really great.
Try asking some of your friends what they would suggest as they are in your company and would see if there is a problem a lot more than anybody on here could guess.
Hope this has helped a bit.
Trev
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2007): Confidence is attractive, over-confidence can tend to arrogance. If you want to make an impression, and it's noticeable you do, you can arouse the opposite effect, as our minds do have this tendence of [not to be] hospitable to the ideas that seek to convince of us of certain things. It's many of the things that you're afraid to say that can make you avoid to appear arrogant, such as "I'm not a good dancer" which is not a shame at all. None of the things we don't know should embarass us as long we are willing to learn. Part of the trick consists in knowing to establish these limits, and in not wanting to impress. It shouldn't be hard to avoid seeming arrogant, you just don't have to 'boast,' or begin every phrase with "I am," "I do" etc, or think that being good in any field is sufficient reason to talk down to others, although an occasional joke will be ok. So long as your actions and usually words don't make you sound like you're exaggerating your self-worth - which is always more appealing when it's "(passively) let to notice" than "(actively) made noticeable"... you're in the safe area. And always be understanding to other people's opinions and don't try to impose yours and... do ask the questions in such manner as there is place for "no"s. "Sure you would like to go with me etc" would be rather turned to "Would you like to... / I would be delighted if / " etc. Yes, the courtesy counts as well... Good luck!
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (23 September 2007):
 Practice. Remember the date is not just about you. You may feel good about yourself, but true confidence isn't something said or bragged about, it's a way of being. It's an inner strength that you hold without having to verbally display it.
Try just enjoying the date, and being with someone you chose to be with. Practice, not trying to win her over, because if she is sitting there with you, you all ready have.
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