A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi aunts and uncles. So I'm 30, female and recently met this perfect man of 27. We met at weekend in a bar bout 3am. Went back to his, didn't sleep together, had fun though. Straight away I thought there's something about him, his perfect for me. I really really liked the way he smelt. He took my number the following morning. Then next day he messages and we message back forth loads. He then asks me for drinks for following night. I agree. He adds me on FB. I have a look, seems nice guy. Upshot... We meet. His for me what been looking for, but he tells me straight out doesn't do relationships, single 4 years. And wants to stay single for another 4! He meets lots woman and everyone hid thought unique and liked. Even if met girl and she ticked a check list of perfection for him, he'd still be like ok next! He was overweight prior to being like he is today and admits does this all for validation and that would never be faithful. We had amazing honest chat. We then went back to mine and slept together. He admitted never meeting a girl his gone wow for! And I said that's his problem, never met the one. Afterwards in post sex bliss he said that his worried, as didn't expect to get on like this or feel like this. Now it means it could be better then expected or fuck up massively. We had literally told each other everything. We also had very intense amazing sex, which freaked us both out a bit. Anyway, come morning he gets up to go and it's very much take care, see you around. Been a day not heard from him. I know he doesn't want a relationship and what said bout us was after sex so all nonsense. But I'd like to find a way to not feel so down about it, we got on brilliantly, felt so comfortable laying with him and him stroking my hair. We discussed deep dark secrets and everything. But it's not going to be anything more, so how do I accept that. I know I can't change him, I'm not asking for that. I need to not feel so hurt.
View related questions:
overweight Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, TEM  +, writes (30 March 2011):
 You loved the way he smelled, had passionate sex and bared your souls. You had chemistry with this man, and that is rare. It is really unfortunate that he his a commitment phobe at this time in his life. He also sounds a little immature for his age.
The fact that he was overweight as isn't now is key, IMHO. I hate to make blanket statements, but I have had the experience of being with a formerly fat guy. Sometimes they are bitter about the way they were treated when they were overweight. As a result they do not trust very easily.
This is a bit of an unfortunate match, as you are older and have expectations of someone you "click" with. I do not think you misread the amazing connection you felt. I think he felt it too and is probably very confused at the moment.
It's normal to feel hurt when you have given so much of yourself to someone. For you the time is right, and he is right, but the reverse is not true.
So, what can you do to feel better? Try to get your mind off it. He didn't lie to you, so you don't have the pain of being deceived or feeling used. You just have a wish that was not fulfilled. Expect nothing. This way it will be a nice surprise if he does call again, and it won't be such a disappointment if he doesn't.
If he does come round again, keep it light. If it is too painful for you to have a casual relationship (which is all he wants at this point in his life) with someone you feel so strongly for, you must tell him that you cannot see him. Doing so would only spell heartache for you.
In the meantime, keep your eyes open. There is more than one right person for everyone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): You may get together again on 'one-off' basis. If you can deal with that and just accept it for what it is, suggest it to him. But what you are sad about is that this can not turn into a relationship. He is at a stage in his life where he wants to be free and at least he is being straight about that. It's hard to accept but maybe just feel that you had an incedible experience and do not dwell on 'what ifs'.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011): You need to keep this guy at a distance. Simple. He doesnt know what he wants, you do, so keep your distance and dont get any more involved. Look at the situation logically. Thats how you accept. He doesnt want a relationship, you do. Therefore, your goals dont match up and cant be together. Good luck.
...............................
|
