A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've become very good at doing things by myself: I have travelled by myself, I have gone to movies by myself, I have gone to the pub by myself and slowly becoming more comfortable doing so, which is a good thing. But, there are times where I can't help but feel lonely.I get along with a wide range of people and have had so many people tell me that "you're really nice" and "everyone likes you" and "no one has said a bad word about you." However, over the years, things have happened that have had a significant impact on the way I go about socialising. I have become very protective of my feelings and emotions, to the point where I have noticed myself putting up a big wall toward people who are or could well become good friends by not talking to them for a little while. I can see myself not meeting people half way a lot of the time (yet, there are times where I, along with many people, don't do so because I don't see certain people as being people I consider to be good friends).I think I have been playing "victim" and "nice guy" for to long. I just can't bring myself to do anything about this. Any advice on being more assertive/putting myself out there/trying new things etc would be very much appreciated.Thanks guys. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2014): Of course you feel lonely, we humans are social animals. Everyone needs a friend. People can deny it as much as they want, but absolutely everyone needs a friend. Some people have just this one good friend, some have many aquaintenances that they call friends, some have few good friends for lifetime. The way you distance yourself from people is a way of protecting yourself. I don't see anything wrong with it until it comes to the point that you are completely isolated. You are still very young and your life experience is not enough to read through people. You do it but to extent. When you don't see these people to ever become your friends, then don't become friends with them. My advice would be not to try to be friends with people who ignore your phone calls or totally from another planet. Look for people who have the same interests as you, and genuine at it. I came to a new state 14 years ago, knowing only 2 people who were not my friends. We had nothing in common, ony that we knew each other for years. First 2 years were tough: I had to go everywhere like yourself by myself, for days I talked to no one. Only couple coworkers. Then I started taking dance classes, and made couple of friends there. Then I took language classes, and made couple of friends there. Then I met friends of these friends. And then it went from there.Hobbies are the best way to make friends. It's time to come out of your shell. And remember we all want the same: good friends and love
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