A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am married with young children and am considered to be an attractive female. I am a very playful, affectionate, caring person, sweet person. I think people see me as that innocent yet fun flirty girl. Anyway, my question is, sometimes when I show affection to a male friend, like one of my husband's friends, the guy has a VERY surprised look on his face. Not disgusted, but more like "omg she's touching me". Sometimes I think they like it, and how I grab their arm to laugh, give them sweet smiles, touch them lightly... It's just WHO I am. But sometimes, I'm not sure. Maybe they don't like it and I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. So I'm curious, what guys out there think of the type of woman I am...Sometimes I even get the feeling some of the guys get frustrated with me and can even get hostile because I'm not going any further with them or something, I'm not trying to 'tease' them, but I dunno, do guys feel that way if an attractive nice innocent girl is affectionate with them (when she's already taken)?
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male
reader, lifesgreat +, writes (9 December 2014):
If a single girl was touchy feely with me I would be fine .. but if my mates mrs was touchy feely with me I would feel awkward .
But in the same sense some blokes would be ok with it and then also some blokes might see it as a flirt .
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): Thanks for the response. I don't really get into guy's personal space, they in fact actually come into mine more and then I kinda reciprocate back with a playful punch or pat...if I'm comfortable around that person and know them.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 December 2014):
 I am an outrageous flirt. with words. NOT with touching or eyes or anything remotely sexual (innuendo excluded as I am full of innuendo )
I flirt like I breathe. With men young and old, with women... even with babies... it's how I am.
I'm happily married. I asked my husband if it bothers him that I am a natural flirt and he said no. He told me that I flirt like I breathe and he would never ask me to stop.
BUT I NEVER touch people (hugs hello and goodbye) and i never TEASE anyone. ANY man that does not know I am married and not available will be made aware of this with a simple "oh my husband said something this morning.." once i realize he's assuming I'm available for more than a fun flirt in the elevator....
I am FAR from cold like an ice cube.. but personal space is important.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): Okay, thanks for the answers. And yes, I am the same way with women, even more so actually. And I agree, to modify my actions around certain people, it can just be hard when alcohol is involved and everyone is having a good time...but I know a few girls that may not like me lightly pat their husband's arm, so I'll stop that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): I have a big mouth and am extremely sarcastic. It's WHO I am. While some people roll on the floor laughing at my sarcasm others may be offended. So despite the fact that it is WHO I am and how I feel most comfortable, I also understand that I often have to modify my comments and my behavior in the company of certain people who may NOT be comfortable with it so as not to offend anybody and consequently get "weird" looks. My friend smokes. It's WHO he is. Its a large part of his life. But when he visits his family, he puts it away. Because they are not comfortable with it. My other friend loves whiskey. She drinks it every night when she gets home from work. It's WHO she is. But when she goes to work during the day, or her in laws come over, or she's around other people's friends, she puts the bottle away and puts on her sober persona.It's cool that you want to stay true to yourself but if you are getting weird looks or perhaps being touchy-feely with someone who's wife is not comfortable with it, then maybe that is your cue to relax on your touchiness and affections. That's great that your husband trusts you. But that doesn't mean that another couple or another person will feel the same level of comfort with what you and your husband feel comfortable with. Modifying WHO you are in certain social settings is a part of life. Being able to gauge what other people are and aren't comfortable with and modifying your behavior accordingly is an essential quality to have and it's a part of life. Just because YOU'RE comfortable with being touchy feely, doesn't mean someone else will be or should be comfortable with it. You should learn to better read people and their reactions and have the ability to modify your behavior accordingly. So that you'll stop getting weird misleading looks, and everybody's happy and everybody feels like they are giving and receiving a fair level of comfort to everybody's liking.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 December 2014):
 OP I'm sorry if you think I was harsh, but as you can see, this kind of thing really is about the individual and the situation.
What one person sees as playful harmless stuff, another might recoil away in horror.
The way you worded your post did suggest that you were "overly friendly" perhaps towards your male friends.
The fact you kept mentioning how attractive you are, and "playful" also makes me wonder if you are a little flirtatious. I suspect a man would probably react differently to being touched if you were ugly.
Can I ask if you act the same with the women too? You might not notice it, but other women probably do, if you are only being friendly touchy with the men.
Personally, I think if you know these people, and are friendly with them, and crucially, they KNOW how you are, and that these things do not mean anything, then yes, the odd personal touch is fine. Hugs etc no problem. BUT you have to know your audience. Know when to back off.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (8 December 2014):
 I'm always glad to run into people like you. Provided it's clearly not flirting I appreciate someone who is naturally 'touchy'. Some people, though, find it an invasion of their personal space.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2014): Oh wow, I wasn't expecting that answer, lol! I'm not all over men, don't get me wrong, I'm actually a very shy girl when it comes to guys. I love my husband dearly, but with our close friends, the odd time I'll be touchy feely, nothing ever extreme though. I love my life, my family, my kids and my family. I'm can just be affectionate with very close friends or family. No one has ever said anything to me and my husband doesn't care cause he trusts me and his friends, I'm never alone with anyone, always infront of my husband, a pat on the arm or shoulder, kind of thing...I've seen other girls or family members do similar things as well...I was just curious to know if guys actually think MORE of it, then it actually is...not that I do it all the time but maybe I should never touch anyone ever again and be as cold as an ice cube from now... :)
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (7 December 2014):
I think in some ways you have answered your own question.
You are MARRIED.
That is why men are reacting in the ways you are describing.
Essentially you are being a tease. You are being all touchy-feely to these men, leading them on, winding them up, knowing full well you will never act on it. Or would you?
Do you think about your husband at all whilst you flirt with every man you come across? How do you think he feels when he sees you doing this? If it was him, would you mind him flirting with all the women?
Are these men single? Or are they also married? Perhaps they are worried about what their wives might think of them with you throwing yourself at them? It only takes a small misunderstanding for them to be accused of cheating or flirting with you. Remember, most women would probably blame him first before finding out the truth.
If this question was from a man, they would be labelled as "that man with wandering hands who flirts with everything in a skirt". Because its a woman is it ok?
Sexual harassment goes both ways, and people have very different views about what constitutes that.
What if, one day you do this, and they take it as a come on? They turn the tables on you, and suddenly are trying to force you into something you don't want to do? Because they misread YOUR signals as something more meaningful?
You are around my age group, and with the best will in the world, we are no longer "flirty girls". We are women. You are married, with a child. Not an single 21 year old.
Not everyone is touchy-feely, and I think sometimes you have to think about the situation you are in more.
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