A
female
age
30-35,
*sd11
writes:I am 20 and my fiancé is 23. We have been dating for 4 years (so since I was 16). We are both in college and about to be finishing up. We are set to get married in 6 months. However, I'm feeling doubtful. He is the most respectful, loving, caring man I could ask for. Literally everything I thought I could ever want. But I've been feeling as if there is more out there for us. I miss the "spark". There is no passion in our relationship. I don't even feel attracted to be intimate with him anymore. I find myself having little crushes on other guys whom I do find attractive, which I feel beyond guilty about. I recently told my fiancé that I wasn't sure about us and needed a few days to myself. Today is the second day of being alone, and I still don't really miss him. I miss the company, because he's been my absolute best friend throughout the whole relationship, but I feel as if he deserves someone who can be more there for him emotionally. I hate that I'm going to miss out on his life, but I feel like that's what we need to do to be truly happy. I'm just not sure and I don't want to make a mistake if we really are meant to be. I know all this is destroying him, and the guilt I feel is overwhelming. Has anyone ever went through this? Please help.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (8 December 2014):
 If you marry him you are a divorce waiting to happen....
you do not want to be with him, you are crushing on other guys....
break off the engagement at minimum.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (8 December 2014):
You're too young to get married, especially when you're having so much doubt. There's no hurry!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 December 2014):
 I think if you feel the way you do, the marriage should NOT happen. I would postpone it at least. And then figure out where you partner stands in all this.
For some what you "like" in your teens in NOT what you want in your 20's or 30's. Some outgrow their first love, some don't.
Why go through with it if you know you are settling?
If you think you MIGHT want to BE with him long term, then I would go to some PRE-MARITAL counseling. I would NOT start out a marriage when you feel this way. It's not fair on him and not fair on you.
This is not just "cold feet" you have, it's doubt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2014): Getting married is a HUGE decision so I see absolutely nothing wrong with you taking time to yourself to think about it. In fact, I encourage you to take as much time as you need. Getting married is a huge investment. Like buying a house or a car. So you should be getting from it both what you want and what you need.
If you have doubts now, you will probably have even greater doubts later in time.
Postpone the wedding and take a good chunk of time to yourself. I suggest you give yourself minimum six months.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 December 2014):
 It's normal to have "cold feet" but to me it sounds like you have serious doubts...talk with the preacher and your mate to be.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2014): You've grown apart, It's better to split now than after a wedding. You love him as a friend, that's all now, it's not fair to either of you if you settle for him.
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