A
female
age
30-35,
*arbar
writes:I'm really confused right now. I have considered myself straight for my entire life, up until I realized feelings for my friend back in March. She was the only girl I had ever really had feelings for. We recently broke up, but now I can't figure out whether I am straight or bi. It's really confusing me. When I was dating her there were times when things felt so right, more "right" than with any boy I've been with. And other times it just felt kinda unnatural what with us both being girls. And tonight Ifound myself imagining what it would be like to be with another girl. For those out there who are gay or bi, how did you come to that realization, and was it hard to figure out for you?
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female
reader, twentyone21 +, writes (6 September 2010):
I have had lesbian feelings for as long as I can remember. When I was in Elementary school, I was very much attracted to males, but I would get the occasional crush on my female teachers and would "experiment" a lot with my female friends. Once I got older, though, the feelings made themselves more prominent. Through high school, I had a big crush on one of my female teachers, and wasn't interested in anyone else. When I started college, I fell in love with a man and had sex for the first time. I went through two more serious relationships with men. The entire time I was with the three of them, the feelings I used to have would be in the back of my mind. I thought, though, that maybe those feelings had gone away, and I was straight. That is, until I got my first job. Shortly after I started, I began developing a crush on one of my female managers. As things started to progress, I started to realize that I wanted a woman more than I wanted a man. At the time, I was engaged, but then we broke up and I've been with her ever since, and am happily in love. Only you can decide what you identify as, but in most cases, feelings can subside, but they never really go away.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2009): To answer, the realisation dawned on me gradually between the ages of 14-16: starting out with a strange lusty rush when I'd see an attractive man (a melting sensation in the stomach, a giddy feeling like my head was swimming, a thumping in the heart, and genital arousal, and a distinct sense of this being sort of shameful or forbidden).
It was traumatic as well as delirious, humiliating as well as exciting - we grow up conditioned to think of ourselves as 'straight', which is presented as the norm, so it was a torment as well as a thrill. I definitely remember crying at night, wishing the feelings would go away, going through the motions of kissing girls etc, anything to make the gay lust go away. Of course, it never did.
Being very girlish and totally off the scale on the macho-to-effeminate spectrum, it seemed plenty of other people reached their own conclusions about my sexuality. I endured a lot of homophobic taunting at school, and my best mates (all girls) never really believed me when I said I was straight. I suppose that made it easier - they'd say 'oh come on you're 200% gay, when are you going to come out of the closet?' It was like 'oh, OK, the whole world seems to know, so here we are.'
By age 17, having graphic sexual fantasies about men all the time, I reached a point of accepting it and not fighting it or denying it to anyone who asked. First had sex last year at age 18, which I suppose is about normal. Loved it, and am now very happily gay with a hugely enjoyable sex life.
Sorry about the autobiography!! You are what you are, whether that's gay, bi, straight, it doesn't matter, just be yourself and enjoy your life to the max.
Good luck! xx
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A
female
reader, Quacked  +, writes (22 July 2009):
 I would like to start by saying i have been through this exact thing...when i was 17 i fell in love with my best friend and we forged a relationship and then it fell apart. She was the first woman i ever fancied and until then i hadn't even considered that i might be anything other than straight.
I'd like to help you with your confusion; firstly, consider what you are doing to yourself - you are forcing a label onto yourself. Do you need a label? No!!
I agree with the others (and its what i did) go out and socialise, go after whoever you are attracted to, male or female. It is irrelevant what you label yourself as it doesnt matter who you date so long as your happy and they treat you well.
Those that mind dont matter and those that matter dont mind!
Being with another woman feels unnatural because when we are young we are bombarded with heterosexual relationships so anything other is wrong. However, you know as well as i do that that is rubbish. Don't pressure yourself, go with the flow.
Hope i helped, even a little.
Yours,
Quacked
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A
female
reader, Chay +, writes (20 July 2009):
 hello, i for one am a lesbien and would like to help, I can totally understand what you are going through. i think i came to terms with my sexuality at a younger age, but i doubted it when i realised that my first love, was my best friend. Although she would label herself as straight, we went into a relationship, we confused it for something more that just good friends. Now, there is always a subconsious nagging that this is wrong it shouldn't be two girls.Now going back to you, you said "She was the only girl I had ever really had feelings for, now I can't figure out whether I am straight or bi" this could mean that she is the girl for you, and the one you loved and completely blew you out of your sences, or could mean that it was a stage in your life( everyone has one, not just teenagers) its always difficult when two friends get too close, could easily be mistaken for a lesbien love. You also said that you thought about being with other girls. dont worry about it too much, dont think because you have been with you are a girl you have dismiss guys or just be with women, be with the people that attract you, girls or guys. be yourself. be happy. hope i helped x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009): I kind of always knew, just never really acknowledged it 'out loud' in my own head until I was around 15/16 (I'm 20 now). I hated it at first, and thought it was a very unnatural thing to be, which made me thoroughly unhappy for a while! But you shouldn't put pressure on yourself to 'label' yourself, I don't think it really matters to be honest. You might be bisexual, straight, gay bla bla, I don't think it matters. Just have fun dating who you feel attracted to regardless of gender. You seem pretty open to the idea so there's no harm in exploring your sexuality some more! :-) Hope this helps, good luck xx
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A
female
reader, eliiexxx +, writes (20 July 2009):
 hey i am not gay or bi but i will help you with your situation.i think you are straight because you like guys because you've been out with them i dont think you like girls in the same way you mite think you do because you hav so much in common with your frend your brain is probably telling you that you like her in a different wayy and you said you dated her i think your just confused about your feelings and your thoughts are getting mixed up or your just experimenting with the same sex dont worry x
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