A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone i have a question for you all. I am 29 and i have a late 40s guys after me and i have done told him all i can be with him is friends! We Have Slept Together a time are two! and i just can not see myself with him in a relationship i have told him time and time again! He is a friend and i do not want to lose him as a friend! How can i get him to NOT want me as more? i have done everything possible. i have told him i did not want more! and i can not avoid him cause he is related to my brother in law in fact he is my bil= brother in laws father! what can i do to make him understand that all i want to be is fiends? Without losing him as the friend? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPastions1123, it has come to the point of him having someone else but he still tries to make me change my mind! And I keep telling him that all we can be is friends! He just does not want to hear it he wants more! I have come to the point where I do not have sex with him anymore but he is still asking to get in a relationship? And I do not want to lose the friendship what else can I do?
A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (25 October 2009):
 Sleeping with someone only to say you want to be friends afterwards would confuse anyone. He probably thinks you can be convinced otherwise, since you've already slept with him once or twice before. Reduce your contact with him to the bare minimum for a while, he should get the hint.
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A
male
reader, passion1123  +, writes (25 October 2009):
for this 40's guy u 29 is "best that can happen".
u have slept wid him.so he will go any lengths to convince u to get into a relation.
u can either opt for a relationship or leave him.
"just friends" is not at all an option now unless
1.he has found som1 else
or
2.he has spent substantial time without u which has brought him to his senses.
or
3.u have sam1 else in ur life.
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (25 October 2009):
 Stop sleeping with him and doing things together that friends don't do.
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A
female
reader, crazychick  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 Well for a start you need to stop sleeping with him...
You're telling him you're not interested but then you sleep with him, so it's no wonder he hasn't given up yet, he thinks he's still in with a chance.
There's no reason that a relationship couldn't work with this guy just because there's an age gap, there's obviously something about him that you like, but if your minds made up you need to speak to him.
Tell him you value his friendship and love hanging out but don't want to mess it up by having sex again as it complicates things. Most importantly, don't sleep with him again. As long as you've explained your feelings and remain only friend, he'll eventually get the message. Hope this helped :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2009): well, this seems like a very complicated situation but on the bright side, it really isnt that bad. The thing is, you dont want him but he doesnt wanna know that, all you need to do in my opinion is keep trying to make him understand why u dont want him, atleast there will definitely be a reason why you dont want him.. let him know what that reason is ( in a nice way tho!) and if he still doesnt get it, then i think you have no choice than to start ignoring him ( not making it obvious) and distanting yourself from him in ways that wouldnt hurt his feelings and ways in which pple in ur family wont start to wonder what the deal is. hope this helps! n good luck!
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (25 October 2009):
 I'm not trying to be mean, but if you sleep with him and say that you just want to be friends, it sends a mixed message.
Tell him that he is a wonderful friend and that you care about him AS A FRIEND, but that you're not ready for a relationship at this point in your life. I think that you need to be sincere and tell him the truth. Sincerity is always best.
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