A
male
age
36-40,
*iket389
writes:Two Weeks ago, my relationship of 4 years ended with my girlfriend. i have been devastated, things have not been good for a while, but i was willing to do whatever it took as i never saw myself being with anyone else. we have not been intimate in many months, as she both was uncomfortable with herself, and had quit birth control. i felt rejected and knew there was more to it, but could never discuss it without a fight. i found out she is already staying with another man. i fear this has been going on for a while, but can't be sure. i feel rejected, alone, and just empty. seeking closure and a final talk, she told me she just doesn't know what she wants and wasn't happy anymore. and it wasn't fair to either of us anymore. When i asked about the other man, she said he was a friend, that she doesn't want a relationship right now but if it turns into more later than so be it. I never had a thought of anyone else when we were together no matter how bad it was. how can someone who said they loved me move on so fast? or seemingly before she was even gone. hind sight is 20-20, but no less painful. Im not saying i was perfect, or did nothing wrong, but i was willing to do whatever i could. and i feel like she just wouldn't commit to me or our relationship. how do people just float like that from 4 years with me to acting like i don't exist. any view points would be greatly appreciated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2018): Another vote that she ended it with you months ago. She just didn't tell you. She probably has been involved with him (at least emotionally) longer than you think.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 July 2018):
 Off course it is going to be difficult you are mourning the end of a four year relationship, you need to allow yourself to grieve and process it. It is difficult I have been there but the biggest healer of all is time. Surround yourself with love and support from family and friends, if you need to cry then cry if you need to keep busy and distract yourself then do that. Heartbreak is not a nice thing and it is something most of us have to go through. You need to accept that she no longer wants to be with you and cut the contact. You don’t need to know who she is with it will only make it harder for you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2018): Well, I for one do not think it means she was cheating just because she moved on fast afterwards.
If you say yourself that you had been having problems for months, that takes a huge emotional toll, especially on the woman.
I can speak from experience coming out of a roller coaster relationship, sometimes you move on quickly afterwards... it is a relief to cling to something/ someone seemingly stable there for you in a hard time.
I don't think it means she did not love you. Not at all. Love can be very intense and sometimes that is when the rebound relationship happens, the emptiness is SO great it is unbearable without a friend.
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A
male
reader, Miket389 +, writes (1 July 2018):
Miket389 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all, I think I’m just searching for vaidation in my feelings, it’s hard, and after 4 years this is going to take time. Letting go is what I need to focus on, it’s just hard. Things should have ended a while ago, I was just hanging on to hope that things would change. It’s hard to admit your not meant to be with someone after 4 years. Even harder to think of them with someone else. But I have to do what I have to do
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (1 July 2018):
She began moving on awhile ago. That's not to say she has been cheating, although it's likely she has, but mentally she has been checking out of the relationship for awhile now.
And that being said, she hasn't moved on yet, that's part of the reason she's with someone else. She's using him because she's not strong enough to do it on her own. The same could have been said for you, too. You probably should have broken up but it's difficult.
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A
male
reader, Miket389 +, writes (30 June 2018):
Miket389 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI understand what I need to do, and I realize this has been happening, or in motion for a while. We never want to admit something we know is going to hurt, inevitably I know I will be ok with time. It doesn’t make it any easier. I’m just a very emotional person, as. Well as very analytical. I try so hard to understand these things but realize sometimes your never going to figure things out
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (30 June 2018):
 There is a huge difference in where you both are in terms of moving on and healing.
It sounds like she had drawn a line under your relationship a while ago (the arguments, the lack of intimacy). Actually leaving was just the final stage of ending the relationship for her. In her mind, it had been over for a while. She will move on a lot quicker than you because she started the healing process a while ago.
You, on the other hand, were hoping to work things out so her ending the relationship came as a shock. You are still in the early stages of mourning your loss.
Whether she is in a relationship with this man or not is irrelevant really. It sounds like, if she isn't already, she will be in the future. Painful as it is, you have to accept that, while she may say she does not know what she wants, she knows what she DOESN'T want - a relationship with you.
Be kind to yourself. Spend time with friends/family who will support you while you get over the break up. You have no choice to be let her go. She is not interested in giving you closure of any kind. She just wants to move on with her life. Brutal as that is, it's happened and you need to accept it, put yourself first and try to look to the future.
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