A
female
age
30-35,
*ishaaa
writes:hey i am girl who cheated for twice ,and i had sex with my boyfriend for many times .but when i asked him to get marry he always says he need time.now he done backstep and betray me .we was in relation from last 4 year and we having sex from last 2 yearswe had sex twice in month and that also without condom due to i got pigmentationnow my family want me to get marry and they are looking proposals ,so i am worry that how would i face my husband on golden nightplease tell me some solution
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2012): My advice is confide in your mother what has happened and although she will be angry at first but she will help you to find a solution.Nowadays a surgion can stitch the hymen just a day B4 wedding night so that there is blood when intercourse is made.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (6 June 2012):
 It's impossible for us to reply without knowing anything about your religion, social class, instruction level, where do you live, etc.etc. I don't need to tell you that India is a huge country ,and customs and mentality go from very Westernized to very tribal.
The reaction of your parents and future husband might be very different according to several variables- you may risk from just having to see your parents slightly annoyed with you for a couple of days - to getting yourself killed.
As I am sure you know, few years ago actress Khushboo got 40 lawsuits from her fellow citizen in Tamil Nadu, was charged for immorality, and had to stand trial ,just for having said in an interview that she does not believe in keeping sex for after marriage, and that Indian women should be free to choose when they want to have sex. She received death threats and she had to go around protected by bodyguards for ages .
Then again, a recent study says that the average
at which Indian women become sexually active is around 20... and only about 10% of them gets married under 20 nowadays. So, it's clear that something is not adding up, and that extramarital sex is not encouraged or talked about much... but it does happen quite frequently.
Assuming that you do not risk bodily harm, or being thrown out without means of income, or other dramatic stuff - I would tell your future husband the truth.
If you don't,you might perhaps pass yourself as a virgin on your golden night... but that's not sure and even so, a partnership starting with lies and disloyalty is doomed and immoral. Plus, what if he should find out later that you used to have a lover ?
I would tell him exactly what happened, that you met a guy, loved him, thought he was going to marry you, and he took his promise back. If your new husband is a " modern " Indian, ( possible, there are many ) he'll be cool with that- these things happen, and he won't think you are a bad person because you are not a virgin. If he takes it the wrong way- he 'll break the engagement and dump you, but, since it is an arranged marriage and you have no particular feelings for him, what do you care, really ?
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