A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need some serious advice. I'm down in the dumps by my own doing and feel like I can't seem to get going anymore. I treating my ex gf like crap and was such a selfish asshole that I think I have lost her for good. I regret my ignorance. I broke up with her 8 months ago and didn't give a crap. Now I'm ready to be serious. I went over to her house 2 weeks ago and apologized for my stupid dumb ignorance about how I messed her over. She said it was okay and we could be friends and hang out but she isn't the same. She doesn't leave love notes on my windshield on my bedroom window on my phone or nothing. She hasn't even called me to ask me how I'm doing or how she misses me. I've been driving by her house and everytime I see a toyota there and it's a guy she says she hangs out with as friends. I saw them at the mall today and she was acting flighty and dilly likE she duse to do with me but it was with him. I was so mad and upset and jealous I just wanted to punch him in his nose and knock him out cold. I fucked up and I changed and see where I went wrong. What can I do to cause her to catch her attention again. Does she still llove me? Why does she act that way with him if he is not her bf? What happened? I'm not use to her putting me at the bottom? She can't love him. She said he's a friend and why was she nice to me 2 weeks ago? Please somebdy tell me what's going on. I want to marry her.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): Hi, my story is similar but different. I am married and my husband has treated me like crap alot throughout our relationship. He talks nasty things to me, calls me names, puts me down as a mother and wife and then tells me he wants out of the relationship. He has left for a day or two on a few occassions and when he does this after him saying how bad he wants out i really feel it is over. When he is gone a flip switches on or off i dont know and he wants me more than ever and loves me and tells me how great i am. He always comes to appoligize and expects things to be the same as they were before. They will never be the same anymore, I dont trust him. I dont trust that he really feels happy and good about me, i think his ugly words are what he truely feels. Of course i let him back we have been together for 6 years, and i try to be normal and make him feel at home. But its not always easy, this girl is smart, she has the balls that i have been looking for. You left, she let you leave and you want her back and now she is allowing you to be freinds not a couple. This is your fault and i dont see how you could expect her to be leaving you love notes, that is dumb. You messed with her mind and now she is on guard. Totally your fault!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): "She doesn't leave love notes on my windshield on my bedroom window on my phone or nothing." She's not your girlfriend anymore so why would she? "She hasn't even called me to ask me how I'm doing or how she misses me."
Maybe she doesn't miss you.
Look you dumped her pretty harshly from what you've written and now because you've decided that you want her back you expect her to feel the same. You say you treated her like crap so why would she want to go back?
It sounds like she is moving on and is happy. You've got to let her go and if you really cared about her you'd leave her alone. Did you suddenly realise you want her back because she might be dating again?
"I'm not used to her putting me at the bottom" she isn't, she's just not interested in being with you anymore. Sorry, but i think you've blown it. Time to move on and leave her alone.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 Sorry dude, but you've lost her for good... she's moving on... I suggest you do the same.
Come back to earth buddy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2010): im a girl, ive been through this before.... and shes really over you... shes moving on
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A
female
reader, drog  +, writes (17 November 2010):
 You've definitely need to get your thoughts cleared up. There is a lot going on here, so I can see why you're so confused. However, since I cannot wait for hours of meditation, I'll say this:Just because you're ready to make up for what you've done,Just because you want her more than anyone else,And just because she was nice to you two weeks ago,it does NOT mean that she feels the same for you.You need to understand that first before you make any attempts to catch her attention. You also need to understand that there is a chance she is actually happier now than when she was with you. As someone who is now her "ex," you need to acknowledge that more than anyone else. Only then will you be able to either a)move on or b) really make a calm, thought-over confession to her.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 November 2010):
 She said you guys could be FRIENDS, this means friends and not back together. All those things that she did for you were during your relationship as boyfriend/girlfriend, now that she's your friend she doesn't owe you anything. You driving by her house to check up on her is borderline stalker, you need to cut that out. This maybe a new guys she's seeing and she didn't want to tell you because she knew how you would react. Jealous and extremely angry.
How long have you guys been broken up, you say you have changed? I'm sorry but your ex shows no interest in getting back together with you. In fact, you're not even ready to be friends with her, you can't handle it. Marriage is out of the question at this stage. You seem to have messed this up behind repair. The only thing you can do to rectify it, is apologize for your actions and proceed to cut off contact and take time to get over this. Work on you, get the jealousy and anger under control. Then maybe within time you can be friends with her, maybe rekindle the romance. But for now it's done, let it go.
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