A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused. When I hadn't been with my boyfriend for long I overheard him say that I look ok but not as good as some other girls he knows. Fast forward a couple of yearsI've tried dressing normally, conservatively, flamboyantly,using full make up or just a little make up or no make up. I've tried long hair and short hair,straight hair and curly hair, I've tried doing feminine touches like painting my nails. I was a tomboy teenager so none of this comes naturally to me now that I'm in my early twenties. I've dyed my hair different colors. No matter what I try its not what he likes. If I do make up he says I'd be better without it. If I don't do it then he ogles girls who are wearing make up. I'm so confused. I've tried everything I can think of. How come he never thinks my 'look' is quite right? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 You need to realize that no matter what you do, you won't be quite right for him (attraction level wise). No matter what you do he has a comment. He admires the looks and styles of others which to me doesn't necessarily mean that you have to look like them however, I don't know if he feels the way I do about this. Perhaps it's time to dress the way YOU feel comfortable being dressed and look the way YOU have always felt comfortable looking. The way I see it, he is being a really nasty boyfriend by criticizing your looks. Maybe all the games of dress up on your part all for his benefit (or lack thereof since he still doesn't like anything you do) needs to stop. Perhaps it would be fun to throw a few comments his way and see how he reacts. I'm sure there are things you prefer in a guy (no matter what it may be) that may be areas he lacks in but you don't make him feel less attractive because of it do you? It's just wrong what he does. If he prefers someone who looks a certain way then why doesn't he go out and find that all-round perfect girl that he has made you want to aspire to be for his benefit. What exactly does he have to change in order for you to be attracted to him? Nothing right? So why is it any different when it comes to you? Perhaps it may be time for you to aspire to be with someone who loves you for everything that is a part of who you are and not someone who says things that will want you wishing you could have been a certain type of girl. Be you. Never let what anyone says make you feel that you need to be anyone but you in order to be perfect in their eyes because when you love someone, even their imperfections suddenly become perfect all because it's a part of who they are. Maybe it's time to find someone who can give you a love like that OP. A love much better than the love (or lack thereof) that you're getting right now.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2014): Here is my take on this. He WANTS to be attracted to you because he likes you as a person, but it just isn't happening. It doesn't mean you are unattractive, it just means you don't do it for HIM specifically. Some people will find you attractive, some won't. It's the same for everyone.
You may not want to hear this because you obviously want to please this guy. But you can't please someone who just isn't attracted to you. It's not his fault or yours. I would move on to someone who is attracted to you, because being with someone who isn't is stressful, and you'll constantly be worrying about who he thinks looks better. You don't need that, life is too short. I went through the same thing with a guy some time ago. I'm now with someone who thinks I'm the sexiest woman alive.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 Well, the good news is that as it seems he's critical of your look no matter what you try, you can stop dressing to please him, and simply dress to please yourself.
It sounds like you are working very hard here and all he needs to do is utter a few words and you simply crumple.
Based on this one piece of information about the relationship, i think it's not a balanced and happy one. You sound desperate to please and he sounds dismissive of you and your efforts.
Are you able to talk with him about this at all? If not, then it's time to trade up for a better model.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 August 2014):
 You may havetaken somethng out of context. talk it out and see if you overheard part f a broader discussion that had a very innocent topic.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2014): Don't you think you're trying too hard to please him? Why does he get to set a standard for you, and you take him just as he is? That isn't fair.
If it just isn't "quite right?" That is because you're doing it for him, and not because you really want to.
You said you're a tomboy; so if you aren't comfortable being made-up or in dresses, it shows. If you're doing it all yourself, and you don't know how; it will not look right anyway. Even if you get the world's best makeup artist, you have to feel good to look good. If you don't personally like to do it, how good of a job would you do? Seriously?!!
You need to find yourself a stylist who appeals to what YOU are comfortable with. Find a look that makes YOU feel good, and dress in clothes that compliment your body-type. Take suggestions from girlfriends, sisters, and the ladies where you shop. It just might be a matter of taste and style choices.
In any case, please stop killing yourself to please an ungrateful sonofabitch of a boyfriend. He just keeps raising the bar. He had better be one hot hunk of a guy for you to be doing so much to please him.
Maybe it's time to look for another guy. Since other girls seem to look so much better to your jerk of a boyfriend.
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