A
female
age
36-40,
*shco
writes:This may be long so bare with me. Sorry in advance for it being long.After five years of being together my now ex bf broke up with me a week ago. We;ve had our share of problems over the past 5 years but we've managed to over come them.The past few months however been really really hard because every so often he would become withdrawn, pushing me away, putting distance between us etc etc. Despite that i was patient, i put up with it until a week ago when i've had enough of it, asked him outright what the problem was, and the usually answer i got was "nothing" until i asked "why are you being distance with me?" which must have been the right question because his answer was "I think we need distance between us". I didn;t kick up a fuss and only said "ok i'll give you space" it was the wrong thing to say apparently cause we ended up fighting, he thought i over reacted which i don't think i did with that one little sentence.We haven't seen or spoken to each other since then and i know for sure he ended cause saying "i think we need distance" is putting the nail in the coffin (if that's how the saying goes) in any relationship.But my questions are: how can you move on from someone you've been with for years?And can ex bf/gf be friends after a break up?He has stated each and everytime we both have thought the relationship was going to end(but manage to stick through the s**t and fix things)that he wanted to be friends if we ever broke up.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (12 January 2014):
 Sorry you're having a hard time of it at the moment.
Yes, people can be friends at the end of a relationship, but I think that can only really happen when you are both over it, which you can't be after only a week (and a flimsy/ dubious rather than robust/ definitive ending).
You decide for yourself whether or not you wish to be friends with your ex; it doesn't matter what he's said about wanting to be friends if that doesn't feel right for you.
In the short term, it's better not to try friendship in my opinion. Cutting contact, as a way of maintaining distance between you, is a good way to start the process of moving on.
When you are over the initial hurt of the breakup, you can reassess whether you want to remain friends with this guy. I am betting you won't really want to.
Good luck. I expect you're going to have to have a least one more conversation with him to confirm it's really over, so perhaps have a think about what you want to say, including whether or not you want to keep in touch with him.
A
female
reader, softsyrup +, writes (12 January 2014):
I was seeing my ex for five years too and we broke up last year... We lived together, so it was pretty hard, but 6 months on, I'm glad we are over. We've not spoken since the break up and I think it would have been extremely hard if we did. Despite our problems, he was my best friend and we got on well as friends, we could have a laugh and had a similar outlook on life. However, because we did get on, that meant that we were very much overdue for our breakup, we carried on for a long time, even though we had stopped loving each other. It didn't take long to get over him, I just kept myself busy (I even started a new job) and focused on new friends and building new relationships. I stopped missing him after a month or so and I only think about him every now and again... such as now haha. It is up to you, but I know I couldn't have moved on properly if I had stayed friends with him.
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