A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:How will someone know and sure about marry someone and live all their life with the others as there maybe unwanted things happen in the future. How will they know that they wont regret? How can people be so sure about other people? Or they just risk their life? We know that people change. People taken each other for granted. Affection and intimate losen. People are unpredictable animal. So how could one be so sure about marriage? Why people want to marry unsuccess man and wish for happiness while its probably not going better?(no guarantree)Ive heard that smart woman marry rich. So if in the future something bad happen she will not 'lose' that much compare to the poor one who struggle to live each day. So how about woman who choose their love over materialistic thing? Do they feel regret after sometimes as affection lose and realize what shes missing?Ive known pretty friends of mine marrying poor and the other average one marrying rich. Some of them regret and unsure but stay and go on because they afraid to be alone. Some of them live happily although they kind of jealous with other and wish for better life.Im not sure what im thinking now. Its just passing in my mind lately. Can someone share their opinion? Im highly appreciated it.
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male
reader, Garbo  +, writes (8 May 2016):
 A book could be written on questions that you have posed but in a nutshell, to focus on your title, nothing is certain in life, including whether any of us will wake up tomorrow let alone certainty in marriage.
Yet humans still function acting on faith that intent of the people is genuine. Same with marriage: we meet, examine the character, learn their habits, learn the body, have sex... but ultimately, our decision to marry is in the intent of the spouses.
There are lot of behaviors that will wreck a marriage but if the spouses have intent on not wrecking it, there is readily available set of things that we know we shouldn't do. The art in marriage, though, is not just knowing and avoiding what wrecks it, but a commitment by both spouses to intend on making the marriage successful. There is no set way in doing that, but the underlying principle behind getting it done is the mutual desire to do it. If either of the spouses does not desire a successful marriage, it won't be.
So nothing material nor anything measurable exists to provide certainty, but in my experience, if there is a mutual will to have a good marriage then there is surely a way of doing it. Perhaps we may not know what are the ways, but then we don't know what challenges we will counter.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (8 May 2016):
 You don't. You try to weigh all the pros and cons look for someone that makes you happy that you can see yourself growing old with, has basically the same goals and values...and you love one another. There are no guarantees of course and life changes people and sometimes people just don't change the same way at the same time, or something happens to one or both of them and the love dies.
I married my 2nd husband and when I married him, he was PERFECT. A kind person, loved kids, stable job, funny, smart, caring, good looking. 12 years into the marriage his father died (my husband's best friend). My husband NEVER got over it, I believe he had a nervous breakdown but refused help. He started drinking heavily and would not get help. Our story book marriage fell apart. There is no way I could have ever seen it coming because my husband never drank when we married, he knew how I felt about alcoholics after being around an alcoholic grandfather. He changed...wouldn't get help and I couldn't accept him. We divorced.
I wish you all the best but you can marry the best person in the world and things happen or you fall out of love. Its just the way things go.
I am happily married again and he is the love of my life but he is fighting a very serious illness..the love is there and always will be, but we are unsure of the time we have together. Every day is a blessing because I know time doesn't appear to be on our side. Who could have known???
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (8 May 2016):
 My wife and I decided to get married on our first date. The date was 36 hours long and we decided to get married at hour 26.That was after both of us spent a lot of time (years) working on ourselves to figure out what kind of life we wanted, what we would and would not be able to tolerate in a partner.So, here is a means to start: assume you will live to 100, and retire at 65.Plan out your life, what you want and when you would want it. this will change as you get older but some things will not change. Where do you want to live? Want to have your own family? When does each thing happen?Do not look for someone to "save" you (marrying rich). Save yourself. It is not your partner's job to "save you".Look for someone that wants the same kind of future you do that you can build it together.Date as much as possible to figure out what you can handle, but only commit to people that want the same kind of future you do.Good luck-Frank
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 May 2016):
 You don't.
That is the short answer.
You can't predict the future, you can't predict life.
But for ME, if I had had ANY doubts about my partner I wouldn't have married him. For us it's worked out for 18 years of marriage and 20 years together. Is it always perfect? Certainly not. I think people also NEED to consider that marriage, like friendships, family ties, relationship (most human interactions) requires commitment and work.
For me it seems like there have been a trend the last 10 years of people "just" divorcing because they felt bored or regretted it. Or they cheat and blame it on a "bad marriage" or partner. But a LOT of those issues SHOULD have been addressed BEFORE marriage and definitely BEFORE cheating.
I have also seen people date and marry "fixer uppers" people they "think" will one day BE the person THEY presume the other person can be... there is usually one result there.. regret and disappointment.
There are no guarantees in life. You only have 1 life, so think before you speak and think before you act. And then DO NOT life in "regret-land" OWN your actions. Living with regret is SUCH a waste of energy. MAKE the best of who you are and what you have.
While I'm NOT a fan of divorce, I AM a fan of making the choice to divorce when all else fails. I'm NOT a fan of people thinking because they married someone they now HAVE to suck up whatever the SO puts them through.
The idea of unconditional love is amazing, but in reality? VERY VERY rare. I think SOME parents have it with their children and maybe their own parents/family - but to expect that from your partner is (in my book) unrealistic.
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