A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I know this may be a standard problem, but i have yet to find someone who can give a straight answer, so i came online.My girlfriend, who i've been dating for about 6 months, has recently decided (about three months ago) that she no longer wanted to do anything physical; by which i mean oral or finger sex. We discussed it last night, and she told me that she regrets having ever done that, because she felt like it was impure. I however, don't see how it's impure at all, so there's a problem. I would like to be understanding and patient, but i've tried that for 3 months already, and it's not changing. It's hard to imagine that she still wants me in that way, even though she insists she does. And it's way too frustrating that girls get to decide what goes and what doesn't. I want her to be ready, but i just don't know how to stay understanding, when really, i can't say i do. How can you desire someone, yet not be ready for desire? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): I am assuming her answer to why it has changed it the "she now feels it is impure?"
You wanted a straight answer from us. All I could suggest in adding to your discussion with her is asking what about it is impure, between the two of you.
Could she be looking for more committment from you and is holding out till this occurs? Could she be scare of pregnancy and things going too far. Is she a virgin and is battling with her morality and emotional committment to you.
Sometimes when a couple get down and dirty for a want of a better term, forplay and arousel set the stage for intercourse. If your not ready for intercourse, getting aguy all worked up, and yourself, makes it bloody hard to put the breaks on. If this is a possibility, she will perhaps, be concerned to go down a certain path and not being able to handle the difficult situation of saying 'STOP'. It is easier to not get that close to someone if this is where your at. It might be why she has changed her stance on it.
You need to know what her expectations are with you. Not just sexually, but where she sees this relationship going. Her impure thoughts would be based on the value or conditioning, understanding of how she sees a relationship and intimacy. If your not the one, this could also be it.
You need to know I suppose when it will not be impure to her. At what stage in a relationship or what elements of the relationship, will be required or needed in order for her to consider it is no longer 'impure'.
All the best.
A
female
reader, superbunny  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I think as her boyfriend you should respect her wishes + just trust her when she says she wants you.. There's more to relationships than just sex.. I can understand your frustration, but if you dump her because she won't have sex that is going to put you in a SERIOUSLY bad light!I hope it all works out well, sweetie. x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): hmm its a familiar situation she may simply want to save herself for marriage.the girl im in love with(if we ever have a rleationship)will have to understand that i see it as a sin untill we are married so while i am extremely attracted to her on a both physical and emotional level i simply cannot do it because it's against my religion.hope that cleared some things up.good luck-michael
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