A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a relationship with a married man have been for 6yrs.I love him he tells me he has feelings for me and he is very fond of me he doesn't want this to end His family is all grown up and married ,but what he tells me i find hard to understand. he says he is in a committed relationship with his wife,what i don't get is how can you say something like that but be cheating on your wife.how can you be committed when you cheat?He has never be one to rubbish his wife with all the stuff most say to the other woman and we have a lot in common he is very atentive texts me 5 or 6 times a day calls me 3 or 4 times a week and sees me when he can.and really shows a genuine intrest in me.but what he has said still bugs me.
View related questions:
married man, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntCarri  +, writes (9 September 2010):
This man is fond of you. It would be difficult to see anyone for 6 years without becoming emotionally attached. However, he is also emotionally attached to his wife. Perhaps in his mind infidelity and abandonment are two separate and distinct 'crimes' and that is why, although he cheats, he doesn't want to leave his wife. I could be very blunt and say he wants to have his cake and eat it and he doesn't want to give up the sex he's getting from you, but I really think it is more complicated than that. I think he loves you both in different ways. It suits him fine because he gets the best of both worlds, but it isn't making you happy. You have to ask yourself whether you want to settle for this or whether you want someone who can offer you total committment.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (8 September 2010):
What he's really saying is that he will never leave his wife for you. You're the mistress he uses for sex, and his wife does everything else. So the real question you should be asking is whether you want to be second best, because this is as far as it will go.
...............................
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Hard to explain but it makes sense to me.
I love my wife. She is wonderful and I have no wish for any other woman ever to be my wife. I hope that she is holding my hand when I die. And yet I have sex with quite a few other women including a mistress who has been around for more than 3 years and whom I also love and support financially and who I expect to support forever. My mistress knows and has always known that I will never leave my wife and and that although I love her, if it ever came to a choice, the choice would always be my wife.
Obviously this is deeply selfish behavior because it puts at risk the happiness of those that I love most but it works in, indeed is very common in, the specific social and economic context of the culture in which I live (China).
All of which to say, yes this man may have love for you and yet be committed to his marriage.
...............................
A
male
reader, TimmD  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 He's telling you that YOU find it hard to understand? I'm sorry to tell you this, but that's just a reasoning method used by him. Committed relationship? The only thing he's committed to is treating 2 women in his life without respect. He cheats on his wife and he tells you he wants to keep you on the side.
You have to understand, he's going to tell you anything he can to make you stay. He's going to say things like "You just don't understand..." or "My wife and I have been through so much stuff.." basically making you feel guilty for wanting more of him. After 6 years? He's a manipulator.
Ask oldersister is right, it's not complicated when you take a step back and look at things for what they really are, not for what you WANT them to be. You deserve better...
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): What he is saying is that he enjoys the benefits of stringing you along but your not worth the headache of getting a divorce. Why would he want a divorce? Your dumb enough to sit on side for 6 years.
...............................
|
