A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for four years. Things started off well then slipped since his work got in the way. He has a job where he works days and nights for 12 hours a time. This job started when we were living together; communication was rough then but when it improved he was transferred to the South of the country. Unfortunately he had no choice in the matter so he went. We both had a new life to get used to and we couldn't meet up often (costs and our work shifts made it hard). We messaged and called each other almost everyday but we just had general conversation, like about the news. He never surprised me and his texts would be in response to what I wrote which upset me. I didn't feel he cared for me but he didn't seem to notice this until I spoke to him about it. When I did he said the shifts were affecting him and he didn't mean to upset me. His weakness is communication and getting wrapped up in his interests too easily. Lately, his communication through texts and calls have improved and it is clear that he is trying to think of me more. As much as I can see his efforts they are not making me feel as good as I think I should feel. We have spoken about our relationship lately and it is obvious we still have strong feelings for each other and that a break up is not the solution. But why do I feel uncomfortable and confused? My Mum suggests that time is the key but because I feel this way I'm not sure. We really love each other, but why has it come to this and how can it be repaired? Deep down I know it can be done. Please help, thank you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2015): Is the distance thing temporary (a few months working away) or more permanent? If he was living with you and then took a permanent job, for an indefinite period, in another part of the country where he can barely see you, then I'd really question whether his heart is in the relationship (if this is the case then I'm very sorry). If it's just a temporary job, then try to focus on the end point and keep busy - enjoy the time to do things with your friends, family etc while he's not around and keep telling yourself it won't be long before you see him again. Could you maybe move to be closer to him? If he's not very forthcoming on the phone, maybe try Skype, or letters... Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): I don't know if they can be repaired... Life gets in the way sometimes and it puts you in one of those "only if" situations.
"Only if he didn't work 12 hrs, only if this, only if that, THEN things MAY be different". Yeah, they MIGHT be OR they might NOT be.
There is no way to know really. If it bothers you this much, why not have a frank heart-to-heart with him and see if one of you can move or change jobs? This will at least eliminate the "long-distance" issue.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): ok the problem here is the distance and the understanding that you have put your life on hold and you are not certain that he isnt taking you forr granted and scratching around for a new bedmate. Make up your mind in the short or long term what you want and visit him ,but protect yourself by making new friends and taking up a new local interest so that you dont fall to pieces if the relationship ends.
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