A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:To some of you, this may be familiar. This is a little follow-on from previous events if you remember the last question.This girl and I work together (let's call her M). We have/had a great friendship; we would often say how much we miss each other, laugh, talk about doing activities together (etc). We both enjoy each other's company.But rewind to last Thursday. M and I went to another colleague's bar (call him N) just across the street. A couple of others were meant to join us, but they were eventual no-shows. The other night we went out to a nightclub with in a big group and she ended up kissing someone we also work with (T).Up until that point on Thursday, she had no real recollection of what happened on Thursday. I decided to tell her the fully story since she had heard all sorts of different things. I was by her most of the time, so my account was the best of all.But on that night she sunk into a bad mood. In hindsight, a) I shouldn't have gone on Thursday, and b) not told her this as heartfelt as I did, but: I told her how much she meant to me (e.g. you're a great friend, great smile etc) but she didn't respond how I thought she would. I freaked out a little, and as the night progressed, my behaviour became weirder. I knew it myself, although I had some drinks, it was fairly obvious.We didn't speak until yesterday. She swapped shifts with T because he fell ill, so we were not closing the bar together. Bummer. But I explained Thursday's actions. I needed to, because I could not get it out of my head. I was ruminating constantly. She accepted that it was fine, but I perhaps went too far by asking where we stand "Are we friends, best friends?". She didn't give me a concrete response, which jarred me a little.She has had a tough week. She went to her grandfather's funeral and a friend of hers had to leave and she became emotional because they were close. Albeit for a short time.But I fear that my behaviour is pushing her away. I don't want to cling to her hoping that we can be great friends, but for all the times we have spent together, it felt mutual. I'm doubting myself, but I don't know where to go from here. We're going to work together next weekend, but I don't know whether to text her again something interesting to pick up her mood, or just stay silent until then.I see her as a great friend, and perhaps she does in me. But given how ruminative I am, it feels like I am setting myself up for constant disappointment. Give her space or what?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2015): Sigh.
I hate the jumps to conclusions. I didn't let the advice fall on deaf ears. I have stood off. I'm not trying to date her. Like I said, I've had depression and social anxiety for as long as I could remember.
Before it's presumed that I am seeking advice without actually taking it into consideration, please acknowledge that depression makes you over-analyse every little situation possible.
But thanks for that. That's great.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (4 May 2015):
 I guess all the previous advice you got feel for deaf ears by you. So now you see the consequences of your choices.
You make the presumption that she WANTS to be your BEST BUDDY (or rather your GF) you even asked her if you were friend. best friend and SHE IGNORE$D the question. YOU take it as she maybe doesn't know... From a WOMAN'S standpoint she didn't answer because you are a co-worker and she doesn't want things to be awkward and because SHE isn't interested and trying to "let you know gently".
If you want to BE her friend STOP being so pushy.
I'm sorry to be the one to burst your bubble, SHE isn't INTO you at all.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 May 2015):
 I love that word, ruminative. Thanks for using it....
Now.... to your question...
Yes, you are setting yourself up for continued (maybe, constant) disappointment..... AND, I think that this is not the only situation in which you might experience that disappointment... since I think you've "tipped your hand" that you have a need, or, craving, for having your relationship(s) defined clearly. IF you DO need that (the spoken definition of relationships), THEN you need to find, and/or hang with, others (women?) who have that same need....
The "short" version of this reply is: "Relax."
Good luck......
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