A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,My BF and I have been together for 3 years, and the last year has been an LDR (I live on the West Coast, he lives on the East Coast; this happened for work reasons, but we're both hoping he can move here within the next year). My question is this: How can we have more fun on our visits? We only see each other about every 2 months, but it is becoming less fun because lately we have been getting stuck on more serious conversations.We also both struggle with anxiety, and I feel a lot of pressure with these visits to try to make sure things go well. So I spend a lot of energy trying to plan things, make sure my house is clean, etc., but then by the time my BF gets here I'm just tired and stressed. My BF has his own issues, too (OCD; some days he's fine but other days he'll be so worried about things like germs that it's debilitating and we can't go anywhere).Then we usually end up talking about serious things, like where he should find work if he moves here, and financial things, and some stressful family things with his parents and siblings, etc., etc., and it's just not fun anymore.I love seeing him but I want our visits to be easier...does anyone have any suggestions? How can we make our next weekend together more fun? I love him and could see us getting married in a few years...I'm hoping this is just a rough patch!Thank you :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2015): OP here:
I meant to respond a few days ago, but I wanted to say thanks to the people who responded! It's nice to hear supportive things from people who have been in an LDR before. The next time we visit I will suggest that we take all serious conversations off the table :)
I do feel a bit frustrated with my BF because he has yet to see a counselor for his OCD. I've been seeing a counselor on and off for years for my anxiety, as well as joining multiple support groups whenever things were particularly difficult. So, I feel like I've been trying hard for years to overcome my anxiety, and he hasn't put in the same effort to overcome his. I've talked to him about this before, and I'm really hoping he'll come around and see a counselor, because I think that could really help him (and us).
Anyway, thanks again everyone!
A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (17 March 2015):
 My boyfriend and I are in a LDR just like your's. I'm on the West Coast and he's on the East Coast. We see each other every 4-6 weeks.I suggest to keep most of the serious talk and planning while you're on the phone or Facetime. Try not to get too worried about it or discuss too much until the time actually comes to move. You can talk financials, seek out job opportunities, and housing etc.. but don't stress too much until it's time to move. Sometimes you'll find you're stressing over things that will solve itself.Whenever my boyfriend and I meet, there's always so much to do and so little time. We do couple things such as dinner, movies, etc.. then we hang out with friends... or there is always someone in our family celebrating a birthday or some gathering. We go to shows and comedies too, but that can get pricey so only on special occasions. I like to eat, so I'd always plan a special dinner at a restaurant we've never been to before. It can be a quaint little cafe or some fancy restaurant to celebrate 'Just Because'. You can learn to cook a special dish for him... or make something together! Take it easy and you'll find that there is so much to do!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (17 March 2015):
 It's not about what you do, it's your attitude. If boring is in you, then you would bring boring into your job, household chores, everything. Just seeing him should be fun. Remember what you love about him. He is a unique person. Ask him what he considers fun. Tell him what you said here, and that while he is free to talk about serious plans, it's best to end it with something fun. If he's not an outgoing type then I suggest watching a comedy and passionate sex I guess. You may just be the exciting element he needs. Life needs a reason to celebrate sometimes. You have a good relationship despite the distance so that's something to celebrate about.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2015): Do you feel the pressure to make sure your house is super clean for his OCD?
What treatment is he receiving for his OCD? If he is not receiving any treatment he should right away. It can really help him out. And once that calms down, that alone will make the visit more fun and less stressful. Talk to him about seeking treatment.
Do you guys know of tips to help ease anxiety? It may be great if you look online together and find tips to help ease anxiety.
I would stay away from serious conversations COMPLETELY. You guys can talk about that on the phone when you don't see each other. Make a pact together that you will not discuss work or anything that could dampen the mood while he is visiting. And if you slip up one of you should catch it and remind the other that you should not be discussing anything stressful.
With my boyfriend, we find it fun to watch funny YouTube videos while we are in the house. We also play UNO a lot and make it a competition.
This visit try to just let things happen naturally. If you are hungry, you guys just get up and go eat. While you are out something else may come to mind. Don't feel pressure to entertain or feel like you guys NEED to be out somewhere.
The visit should be only about quality time and you can have that anywhere. If the weather is nice, go for a walk and talk. Simple things.
Good luck!
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