A
female
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm 14 and currently in a relationship with a guy for the third time. The last time we dated we were together for almost four months and recently he told me that he regretted the decision to break up with me. When he apologized he sounded genuine and so I thought I'd give him another chance considering that I still very much liked him and he seemed to still like me. The issue here is that when we broke up there was only like 3 weeks left of school and then apologized and we have been talking since the 9th to last day. Last night we went with a group of friends laser tagging and we acted just as a couple... Like we had before we broke up and it was great. I had really missed hugging and kissing... We even decided to start our relationship again yesterday. The sad part is yesterday was also the last day of school and my middle school splits up into two high schools. I am going to one and he is going to the other. We both almost cried everytime we hugged each other and we ended up hugging once for quite awhile. After laser tag when we were texting he told me he was crying and I didn't believe it so he showed me and he really was and he told me that he loved me and that he hates that he misses me already... Basically from all this I am asking... What tips or suggestions can you give that could help me make this separate high school thing work? Should we even try to make it work? Please help because even though it's summer I don't know how much I'll be able to hang out with him and I am going to camp in July so I definitely can't go then. People have told us that we are a good couple and we believe we are. I'm just not so sure how we'll survive. Please help!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2015): Being so very young, keeping a relationship tight is quite a big job for the two of you. Nature has specifically designed relationships for people in your age-group not to be too long, or too serious. Reason being, you are still growing, your minds are still developing; and you have much to learn about different types of people. You have to, in order to determine what type of personality is the best match for you. He may not be the one and only guy for you, or you may not be the one and only girl for him. You are for now.
Our early relationships are only trial-relationships, meant mainly for practice; and they are an introduction to our romantic-feelings. We are discovering our sexual-identity and how it coincides with our emotions. That takes a lot of time to mature into. You'll be in your twenties by then.
Your hormones and emotions are going to change and shift, and whatever advice we give you now; will not apply much in a few months down the road. You will have physically and mentally grown significantly over the summer.
A good rule for all relationships is to be honest with each other. Talk and listen about how you feel about each other.
Remember, boys may not be as open about our feelings as girls; so sometimes you'll be doing a lot of guessing. Like you did when you broke-up, and he didn't make a lot of sense to you. Remember?
Be fair and considerate when you disagree, making sure you both listen to each others side of a problem. Don't always feel he has to give you all his time, you both need time away from each other to interact and socialize with other kids. It's healthy for you. Not always as a "couple" but as two whole independent personalities. Two many young girls grow-up too dependent on relationships to make them feel safe, and don't learn how to be strong women. Don't let that happen to you. Guys take advantage of females like that.
Even though you have a relationship, you still have to hangout with other boys and girls. Let other boys know you are taken, and you just hangout for fun. No funny stuff! Best to be in groups when you do. That's how you build trust in your relationship; and you get used to being apart from time to time. You'll still miss each other!
Trying to make your teenage-relationship comparable to a couple in their twenties will never happen. Neither of you are mature enough for that. Just take it a day at a time. Have as much fun as you can, and keep up those nice hugs and kisses you share. That makes it special between you.
In reality, as time passes; you'll both become very independent over the next school year. You'll make new friends, want to do things a little more grown-up; and it will become harder for him as a guy to be as single-minded about the relationship as you are. Girls are more mature than boys at your age, so you'll be a little upset about his immaturity from time to time. He will not be able to explain it; because hormones will make you both really weird and moody. You'll have growth spurts that will make you tired; or you'll get bored easily. So when this happens, just try to be patient and kind to each other.
Always apologize when you hurt each other. Make it a pact between you that you will discuss your problems and try not to part angry with each other. That makes friendships and romantic-relationships last a long time, but not forever. People change over time, and life may force you to separate.
You may outgrow your relationship you have now; so be prepared for that.
You sound like a very smart and sweet girl; and he's a lucky guy to have you. The good thing is, he knows it and has said so. Don't worry too much about the future. Try to concentrate more on the present, and that way you'll enjoy each moment you already have together as much as possible.
Good luck!
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