A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:During my four year relationship with my husband I have uncovered several lies that he has told me. I am feeling extremely hurt, disappointed and let down, but he suggests that most of them were only white lies, therefor he does not understand why I have taken them so much to heart. We both have major trust issues too as we have both cheated on previous partners when things weren't good at home. This is topped off by bad feeling that comes from eachothers children and things that we've been made to endure from them.. I love him, but feel so hurt. I have no one left in life that I feel I can turn too and need to know.. How do we get through this with out destroying eachother completely?? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2008): Dear Poster
I have empathy with you; this is not an easy situation you are dealing with; I can understand your hurt and realize there is a lot of pain and anger involved; HOWEVER if you want to make your marriage work you both need to be committed to give it your best and to WANT to resolve all the past hurt and issues;
Basically what I suggest is that you will both have to work towards MOVING FORWARD; let bygones be bygones; leave the PAST behind and START new; start fresh; in order to do that both of you will need to be totally HONEST with each other; you will need lots of PATIENCE and have to learn to trust each other again; yes, it is possible and yes you can overcome the problems of the past if you are both committed and if you are both prepared to put in effort.
I suggest you talk to your husband in a loving, caring manner; no blaming or getting upset; tell him how you feel; tell him how much you care and that you really want to PUT THE PAST BEHIND YOU and MOVE FORWARD as a COUPLE; I also suggest you should consider counseling; it will help both of you to work through the past issues so much easier and will enhance your chances of moving forward; it is not always easy to pinpoint why certain mistakes was made but with the help of a professional outsider that can give yu guidance to see the bigger picture it will be so much more effective.
Try not to dwell too much on the past; who is to blame for what; BUT make a new commitment, maybe arrange to renew your vows and start to appreciate today; plan your future and when things get tough...think about the positive things that has kept you together through all the difficult times.
Do try and go for counseling.
I do hope you can work things out and wish you lots of love and happiness.
Always keep SMILING.
A
female
reader, abby5000  +, writes (9 October 2008):
if you love him try therapy, relationships are hard its ok to need a little help
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