A
female
age
36-40,
*unubery
writes:I have met a wonderful guy, it's been 15 months in our relationship, I have introduced him to my family, they accepted him, I haven't met his family yet because we live in different countries, we met through a friend, he is a good man, problem is, he has a business, and it's not going on very well, financially it's not doing well, he is struggling financially, every time we meet I am he on who use my money for pertol, food, I book for him B and b to sleep, he never pop out money for anything, never bought me a gift, never contributed financially for anything, he will visit me with no money to return back back home, he never done anything for me, not that I am demanding, I bought him some nice things thinking I will get the same, but I came to a point where I told myself that I will never spend anything on him again, he does not want to find a job, I asked him many times to get a job then do business aside, he is not listening, when we discuss serious things he just go silent, we communicate through Whatsapp and phone call most of the time, because of the distance, I really love him, and we have a good relationship, I don't know how to convince him to get a job, he want to marry me but I don't see that happening as long as he is struggling financially, please advice
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 January 2019):
 This sounds to me like an awful waste of time- and from the get-go. How do people think they can carry on a long distance relationship, if either one or both do not have the financial means to afford it ? Why even starting it, I wonder. For things to proceed, both people should be able to sustain the costs involved in an LDR, or at least one should be willing and able to pick up the tab always for the impecunious party ( whuch anyway it is very seldom a good idea, but that's another story ) . But ,in your case : He is broke - and you either cannot afford , and / or do not want
( wisely ! ) to pay his way all the time. To change things overnight , you'd need a magic wand- not talks and discussions in which he clearly is not interested .
He does not want to seek steady employement , neither in his country nor in yours ( assuming that he is even employable in your country ). He prefers to be an entrepreneur. Fine, that's his preference and he's got the right to keep it. But he has not got the right to sponge off you and to fob off on you all the costs he should take care of himself, IF he wants an LDR.
Stop enabling him, and surrender to reality- unless you want to be a full time sugar mama, then marriage with this guy is not in the cards at least in a foreseeable future.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2019): He's a player looking for a dumb sugar-mama. Marry a dummy, get a green-card, and you're home free!
He must have told you how much he loves you. Trying to give advice to a woman smitten with the L-word is throwing tiny pebbles at Super-girl! Useless!
Get a clue, girlfriend! You're being suckered! I'm sure your family has already warned you. As naive as your post comes across, you're a sitting-duck!
Do you have a low self-esteem? Not too lucky getting male-attention? You don't feel pretty? Is he exceptionally good-looking? Did a little light suddenly go-off? That's why you submitted a post!
Do you wonder why you haven't met his family?
That's because he's a scam-artist; and doesn't want you to know how to track him down!!! After he scams you and robs you blind!!!
Seriously?!!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 January 2019):
 Yeah, dont be his sugar mama. No more paying and definitely no marriage. If he does not want to get his finances in order, I dont think he is husband-material.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 January 2019):
 Where is he from? And where would you live if you got married?
And while you really love him, what kind of future do you see with him? (as things stand)
Because if he moves to the US, YOU are financially responsible for him. That is part of the immigration. You have to be financial stable to sponsor him. And if he shows NO SIGN of trying to better himself now, WHY do you think he would when he can live OFF you in the US?
Or do you live in the UK (since you used the term petrol and not gas)?
Either way, I would look into the immigration laws. And I would PROBABLY take a good hard look at HOW he is CHOOSING to NOT be financially responsible.
When you want to discuss "serious" things he goes silent, WHY do you think he does that? Because he doesn't WANT to discuss them, so HOW do think things would be if you married him? He would give you the silent treatment until you stopped bringing up the subject.
I TOTALLY get that you care for this guy, I just don't see a REALISTIC future with him. Unless you want to work your ass of for you AND for him. He GLADLY spends your money now.... That isn't going to change.
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