A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. (We've known each other for close to 5) And while we've gone through some sticky patches in our relationship, as all couples do, we have a pretty good relationship overall. We have our ups and downs, but have a lot of fun together, take trips together often and tell each other we love each other on a daily basis. Well we currently don't live together and are both in college, (I'm almost 23 and he just turned 24) but he will be graduating soon and wants me to move in with him when he gets a house. He wants to help pay for my tuition and let me work only part time to hurry up and finish school. However, he has never been the very romantic type, and can be inconsiderate sometimes. (but hey, what boyfriend isn't? lol) But I sometimes wonder if he's very much in love with me, or just maybe comfortable in our relationship. Well I asked him recently and he said of course he loves me, but he wasn't sure how to tell if he's "in love" really. He said he's never really felt "head over heels in love" for anyone and isn't sure if he's supposed to be feeling something more than he is now, or what. So conundrum: we're worried if we should plan on moving in together and possibly not knowing whether there's something better out there, or run the risk of breaking up, etc down the line... Or whether we should end it before and not risk wasting years only to find out it wasn't all there was. I suppose we are just really confused, but I can't stand the thought of not being with him. He gets pretty upset at the thought of it as well, and we both get really depressed imagining all of our plans going down the drain. We dont want to throw away what we have...Man, I hope this is just an adolescent thing and we can figure it out! Anyone have any advice?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2008): Then don't throw away what you have! It has taken me a long time to realise that relationships are rarely shooting stars and fairytales! They take a helluva lot of work. I waited years for a man who didn't exist - the perfect man/prince charming. It sounds like you have the good basis for a relationship: fun, taking trips together, telling each other you love each other...and you both seem to be weathering the storms of lifes ups and downs. That shows a real commitment and maturity towards one another. My boyfriend isn't the romantic type either, but I think most guys tend to show their love on a practical level anyway by providing for us girls, eg. your boyfriend offering to pay for part of your tuition. I must admit that I sometimes think that my boyfriend is just comfortable in the relationship rather than head over heels in love with me too. I think it is natural for us girls to feel like that from time to time. Probably if it were me, I would put the idea of moving in together on hold for a year. Concentrate on enjoying yourselves after all the hard work toward graduation, then see how you feel in a years time...Hopefully things will become clearer.I am always mindful of the film 'As good as it gets' with Jack Nicholson. Check it out. His character and his character's love interest were looking for a better life and she was looking for her prince charming but I liked the line 'what if this is as good as it gets'. They took a chance on one another and were happy. It is by no means, in my opinion, saying that you should 'settle' but that you shouldn't chase after something that doesn't exist, in this case Prince Charming. You could go your whole life chasing for the 'something better' than may not be out there. Try to be content with the here and now.
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