A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I found undeleted texts on my husband's phone that showed he was having an emotional afair with a work colleague. I wrongly thought that it would stop as he seemed to be genuinely sorry.Six weeks later I found another batch he had forgotten to delete. 'Luckily' she mentioned about it not yet becoming physical.He was so full of remorse and the thought that he could lose me that he swore it would end immediately and he'd 'intended phasing it out anyway'.I rang her and she apologized and promised she would never contact him again in any way, shape or form. She's also married and sounded terrified.I know for a fact that contact stopped there and then and he is doing everything he can to make me trust him again.My question is, if they had had this emotional affair for several months, how could they just drop each other over night and never contact again??I am particularly interested from a man's point of view. He says he feels absolutely nothing for her and misses her like a hole in the head but how can those feelings just be forgotten because I happened to discover their affair?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2010): To shed some light to your wonder. From a guys point of view it seems to me as if there might have been somekind of physical connection yet to what extreme is unknown. It also seems she is real scared herself as you mentioned so she was feeling exposed and unsure of what you might do to expose her to her mate.So back to your question I think she was or is able to break off this relation with much more will power than the man.I say this because its our nature to sometimes let our testosterone levels get the best of us and foul up our reasoning prosses downline somewhere due to lust and is only a temporary feeling at that. So I would keep a low key yet firm eye on his scheduled work habits without accusations or intentions. Its gonna be just as hard for you to let the matter unravele as it is for him to not pursue or ignore her but can happen. Its best to start some kind of activity after his work day is over together so there is something occupying your guys time together to come closer again in a different way. Good luck with this you have the ball in your court so do speak but dont be the king.
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (15 June 2010):
 CAN NOT??? Or will not.. is this a form of punishment or revenge...
You have no images of sexual activity to torture you, what you have is writings, easily destroyed and easily forgotten.
And the background.. rocky marriage, no sex, general boredom and some unhappiness.. I doubt his feelings for this woman were less strong than him being flattered that someone wanted him at last.
Again, you can dwell on things that make you unhappy, or you can accept that the unhappiness in your marriage played a part in tempting him into places he would not usually go.
Do you want the marriage rocky again...
What did she mean to him.. I'd start with someone who wasn't pushing him away...
I'm not blaming you.. been there myself, but my guy (ex) did a one night stand.. After hearing how he was feeling, and accepting my part (rejecting him) in his cheating.. it was easy to concentrate on him and the state of our relationship.. I didn't give the girl a 2nd thought, she was never the main issue.
Men who are happy (usually) have no wish to stray.. It's not a question of the woman, it's a question of making your relationship good..
Continue being young lovers, try to bite your tongue if it wants to get bitter.. Accept you are jealous but don't let it lead you to throwing away a good thing.. The jealousy and hurt will disappear in time, that's why it's important to keep your marriage good.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2010): Miamine,
Thank you so much for your reply. You have virtually repeated what my husband keeps telling me but I can't believe him cos I am looking for the worst.
He says it was just a stupid game to relieve every day boredom etc. Also we weren't geting on too well at that time. I had gone off sex and off him to be honest and always gave him the cold shoulder so I suppose I got what I deserved!!
We are now like young lovers again but I CAN'T let go of the jealousy of what I imagine she meant to him and it is ruining our chance of happiness. I also CAN NOT trust him and question his every move.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (14 June 2010):
I am so sorry, affairs of the heart can sometimes be worse than affairs of the body... so sorry dear wife, and I am sure your husband and the other woman are as well.. As you said, it was not physical, and that was out of deep, deep respect for you..
Yes you are right, feelings don't die that quickly. I am sure they still have strong feelings for each other. But that dosen't matter, in the end his feelings for her and no where as strong as his feelings for you. He CHOOSE YOU, he is faithfull to you, he wants to be with you.
Now, he's trying to make you happy again, and yes, he will ignore whatever feelings he may have had. The "affair" is over, whatever it meant it wasn't enough for him to walk away from you or become intimate outside his married vows.
Yes you are angry. But he didn't do it to hurt you, repeated contact can make affection grow. But now you know, now he realises what he nearly lost.. Yes, he might like this woman, but not nearly enough to destroy your faith in him...
Please give him another chance, and try not to dwell on what happened, or what may have happened.. Thank this woman for making you both realise that your marriage is important and things need to change so you can both be like young lovers again.
Do your best, concentrate on making your marriage fun, forgive him for what he done wrong.. Blessings
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (14 June 2010):
 Those feelings could be forgotten because they weren't real in the first place. Fear, however, is a real emotion and right now your husband and his "friend" are completely terrified.
I could be wrong, though. Sorry I can't offer you a male p.o.v.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (13 June 2010):
Unless he's particularly un-techno savvy I suspect he left the 2nd load of texts so you WOULD find then and have the quarrel etc about it.
Maybe he's weak and needed you to blow off his gf as he didn't have the whatever to break up with her.
If you're prepared to forgive him I would do so and move on with your lives and marriage.
Maybe it was just sex he had with her and with you he has more than that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2010): If you're so expectant of them dropping it right then and there, you can't really ask how they would...
I think you should hold a counsel with them and y'all should talk about how and why you feel the way you do.
For me, it's always easiest if I meet the girl, IF someone had cheated on me and I don't want to lose them. That way I can view things from their perspective and TRY maybe getting along with them after getting things in order. It really helps to know things through others' eyes.
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