A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:so a couple years ago I met a girl online. I would say she's perfect in my eyes but that would be an understatement. needless to say I loved her so much. I don't know how I could when I met her over the internet. we talked every day. via text or internet phonecalls any way that we could hear each others voice or see each other. I told her many times I loved her. after a bit we decided to meet. this wasn't easy due to the long distance between us. when we finally set everything up I got hurt in a car accident and my left leg was busted. I was on pain meds pretty much for a month. I was still on them when we saw each other. we had a good time and did plenty of stuff. after when we both got home she told me she wanted to break up. I was caught offguard. I didn't know what to say. when we where together in person she was asking me to move up with her, and I agreed. so after she dumped me I went deep into depression. I didn't know what to do with myself half the time. I got rid of my cellphone cuz every time I looked at it I hoped for a phonecall or text from her. I got rid of my facebook myspace and msn just to stop trying to think about her. I pretty much trashed anything and everything that reminded me of her, yet I still think about her, if she's ok, if she found someone that made her happy, if she thinks about me, all that stuff. its been over a year now and I live day by day with this pain and depression. I can't afford a councillor or anything like that and I still go to bed at night thinking about this girl. Ive dated other girls since and I feel guilty and end it because I feel like im using them. I feel like I want to cry but for some reason I can't. how can this girl who told me she loved me break it off so out of the blue? each night when we where together she and I would talk and each night she would tell me something along the lines of I have her heart, she loves me so much it hurt, or something like that. I feel like after she left theirs a piece of me i'll never have back. its been so long and it still hurts just as much as the day she broke up with me. it really hurt me to the point where I lost my job, my house, and ended up moving back in with my parents. I take every opportunity I get to go out and try to forget her but the memories come back no matter what I do. sometimes I drink myself till I pass out trying to forget her. what do I do? how can I still love someone that tore me to shreds? I understand it is something I did to cause all this but I claw my mind trying to figure it out. I don't understand. I want to forget but I feel like there's not enough alcohol in the world to help. please help. what can I do? am I doomed to live with this pain?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 November 2009): Your a soldier man, i went through this exact same thing so i know exactly how your feeling, however i knew what was the reason why she broke up with me, it was due to her ex, she was getting back with him. Im not saying that this is the same reason your ex did this, but it could be a possibility. however in saying that, im letting you know that you are not alone and i went through this exact same thing and i feel the pain you are feeling and not just that the un answered questions.. the wondering and worrying.. the why? For me its its been almost a year and i still think about her to mate. Dont let it get to you, trust me it will soon eventually disappear and you will find someone who will be there for you, but first.. you must concentrate on understanding and loving yourself and soul searching so you can begin your journey to meet someone else. Goodluck!
A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (9 November 2009):
 Hey, I feel for you, I do, but you are the only person who is going to help pull you out of this situation if you cannot afford a councilor or some kind of professional help.
Unfortunately, when we break up with someone, if you're the person who was left behind, it can be heart breaking and gut wrenching, especially if you don't see it coming. It happened to me once and completely destroyed my self confidence and my ability to love another person for a very long while afterward.
I can understand how you must be feeling, it is hard to let someone go when they are the ones that walk away - there are a lot of unanswered questions and hurt, you've lost someone you thought was everything and she turned it into something less than nothing just by turning her back on you.
Unfortunately, the fact that it was a LDR might have meant that the reality of the situation hit home with her after your meet and perhaps she didn't feel the same for you as she thought she felt when she didn't know what you were like 100% and was filling in the blank spaces prior to your meet with her ideals of what to expect. Perhaps she didn't quite get what she wanted. It could just be that she couldn't handle the magnificence of the situation once it became real, and it could well be that she became scared and broke it off to see what would happen. Something that you'll not know if you haven't been able to talk to her.
Closing your face book, myspace and other accounts was a good thing to do to push you in the right direction away from the thoughts of this woman, but perhaps because you did close these accounts, you're now wondering if she'd still be around to talk to if you haddn't? Another reason to put the situation on yourself and wonder what she's up to out there, another reason to dwell?
I don't think that alcohol is the answer to any of your problems, I hope it hasn't gotten that bad that you're drinking too much because i've been there too and it doesn't solve very much, it just makes you feel worse and you slip further back rather than stepping forward. Alcohol is actually a wonderful depressant.
I think what you need is someone to confide in that'll listen and point you in the right direction. I think you need not turn to alcohol to get rid of the feelings but rather stop any drinking and feel the pain that you've had to go through and say to yourself that you're stronger that that, you can deal with the pain instead of suppressing it.
You need to have a look online and see if there are any FREE local councilling sessions in your area and if there are, see if you can get an appointment to attend.
Perhaps, and I know its cliche, take up a new sport or hobby meet a fresh group of people and just get to realise that not everyone is going to abandon you and just get used to being yourself again.
Dating doesn't hurt, but I agree that if you don't feel ready, perhaps its better to work on yourself for now without a +1. Find yourself again.
You had so many hopes pinned on this woman that she's left you with all the hopes and ideals before she was able to give you a reason to doubt who she was or is and you're stuck in a state of disequilibrium, which WILL settle and pass, but it won't be easy and you will have to be aware that you're one of the only people who are absolutely able to change how you feel by adapting a different outlook.
This woman was not for you, you didn't do anything do deserve the treatment you got and you don't deserve to spend the rest of your life miserable because of her selfish actions.
You are as entitled to be happy as anyone else, and you will be again, but you're going to have to grab the bull by the horns and make it happen.
Thoughts about her WILL fade, but you have to stop torturing yourself.
If you want to talk, feel free to email me. It is a long road, and it must feel like hell right now, but there is hope and you can be yourself again.
xxx
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A
female
reader, rebecca197819  +, writes (9 November 2009):
 Hi,
Firstly let me put you straight about something, ITS NOT YOUR FAULT, some people can become so attached to people in such a short space at time that they feel like they have known them for years or that they are the one, the pain and hurt your feeling is natural but it’s a fact it won’t last forever, you do however need to pull yourself together, some relationships just are not meant to be for whatever reason, there is someone for everyone and one day you will find that special person that lights up your darkest day until then try a little me time get to know yourself, be happy with yourself, see friends and family when you stop looking you will find.
Until then my friend keep your chin up.
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