A
female
age
41-50,
*melol
writes:I am 34 yrs old with 4 children, 2 live with me, the other 2 decided to live with their dad. A year ago, I met this wonderful 28 yr old man with a daughter. I have custody of my children where as he only gets his daughter every other weekend. We used to have our kids on the same weekend so that we had a weekend alone together, but now we get them opposite times. My custody papers have it set by the courts where as his is an agreement between him and the childs mother, and she refuses to adjust it....so we do not get to spend time alone anymore. So in the beginning, we hit it off from the start. He was texting and calling me everyday, saying good morning, good night, he misses me, etc. Over time he said that we are in a relationship and that he loves me. Everything was going great, we spent everyday together, and when we were not together we were texting or calling. About 3 months ago, he had lost his job and was pretty upset about it. I reassured him everything was okay and continued to be there for him. He would tell me over and over that I am wife material and im such a great woman that every man would want. He would tell me a lot that he had a crazy life partying with his single friends, dating, etc and that he was ready to put all that aside. His friends still remain a very important part of his life, they are single and text him everyday. He goes out with them every now and then. About 2 weeks ago, I started to feel like something was different with him. I was not getting the texts or frequent phone calls anymore...he was not telling me he loves me, misses me when he was away, he would still come over for dinner and stay until the morning for breakfast, stay and eat lunch. I would tell him I love you, but I would not get anything back. One evening i asked if he was coming for dinner, he said he should make it. I bought dinner only to find out he was going to hang with his friends instead. The next morning I packed a few of his clothes, we live in the same apt complex..different apts, and told him that I have noticed that he has been a bit distracted lately. He told me that he thought he was ready to be a family man, but he was wrong. He said that he needs his space to figure things out, to see if I am the one for him or not and to get his career together. I was torn, I cried and pleaded for him to forgive me for packing his clothes, that I did not want him gone, I just wanted to hear him say that he still cares...at least try to stop me...something to show me that he cares. He said that I was a bit controlling with him wanting his friends, I asked too many questions and that he felt obligated to be at my house everyday. He told me that he wants to keep in touch to see how I am doing, but he needs to figure himself out and focus on his career. I am so broken. He emailed me the other day and said that I had a lot to do with his dicision since I so easily packed his stuff, like I wanted him out of my life fast. I told him that those were not my intentions and that I will be a better woman. He is still standing by his decision, not giving me a second chance to prove myself. I went out this past weekend and he text me telling me that he was downtown going home. When i got there, he was there and we talked. He spent the night and we spent the next morning together. He then went home and I have not heard from him since, 2 days. I am so hurt, I keep blaming myself for packing his bags, I keep saying, well if I did not pack his bags he would still be here. He made plans to travel when we get older, he wanted to do so many different things together and even talked about moving in together. Im just so confused. How can someone who claims they love you so much let go so easily?
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female
reader, cmelol +, writes (20 October 2010):
cmelol is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDanielepew , you are so right, it's almost like he just has me waiting while he is doing his own thing. That is exactally how I feel too, I feel that since he is keeping in touch with me, he still has feelings. I think it's time I wake up and start to ignore his messages. I can't keep doing this to myself, I am slowly slipping into a depression.
Thank you for opening my eyes.
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Meaning he sort of gives you hope without saying he is giving you hope. You get the impression that he sort of cares, since he is still calling every day, right? And being caring, right? He wouldn't call if he weren't feeling something, right? Yet he is not with you. Please don't lose sight of that.
I can't tell you what to do. I'm just giving you my half a cent.
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A
female
reader, cmelol +, writes (19 October 2010):
cmelol is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for the answers. He has been keeping in touch with me daily, either by text or calls. When he calls, it is small talk, nothing really important and when he texts it is just to say what he is up to or about job offers....silly.
Thank you again
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (19 October 2010):
 Stop blaming yourself for packing his clothes in that bag. While that actually may have affected his decision, that is not the fullcrum upon which his actions turn. He probably understands why you did it, he probably knew that he had been showing less affections, saying less to you to show you that he still cares. It is good that you talked but how far into your relationship did you get that night? Were you able to remind him how fantastically well you to were together? It has only been two days and it sounds as though you two made progress that night and that morning.
Calm yourself and have a little faith in the love he claimed to have had for you. Just remind him that you love him and that you still want him to be a part of your life. If after two weeks or so he comes back with nothing, then you will have your answer.
I hope that helps.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew +, writes (19 October 2010):
We can't see life the way another person sees life, simply because we are not that other person. So, while you think you have all the information, and, therefore, you don't understand why he changed, maybe you don't really know why he left you.
I don't think you pushed him out by packing his bags. From your post, it seems he doesn't really want the married life again. It seems he sees you as "wife material", only he came to the conclusion that he doesn't want to be married. But, we can't be sure.
I sure know this must hurt you very much, but it seems he is not changing his mind.
Being a mother of four, and 34, you need someone who will commit to you. It seems he is not that someone. I think it's best for you to let him go.
All the best.
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